


Let´s see what the night can do.

by JessKyuCriss



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Random & Short, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-07-06 16:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 24,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15889950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessKyuCriss/pseuds/JessKyuCriss
Summary: And they will discover that some nights are not only black but full of stars. Just for one day. They won't ask the world for more. Just for one night they will be stars.





	1. Let´s see what the night can do

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed some sugar after the ending of chapter 8 so here I am.

**Let’s see what the night can do.**

They are driving. Driving away from the big city a city which was called an apple. A city which was no more than rotten fruit for them. Ash is wearing his favorite pair of sunglasses. Black. They’re black.

Ash smiles.

Months ago it was the color of his destiny: the color of grief, the color of desperation, the color of war. The little smile vanishes a bit. It was hard. Absolutely hard. At that thought his smile is almost vanishing and then... Then Ash feels a warmth coming from the hand of a boy.

If you look for an adjective to describe him it would be soft. Even his name is soft. Eiji.

“Eiji”, Ash whispers out of the pleasure he gets when he says that name.

The other boy smiles. A wide open smile. A smile which seems to know nothing about pain, nothing about regret. Eiji’s smile is like a world full of happiness. Eiji is a world without evilness, Ash thinks. And then Eiji smiles again and Ash thinks everything will work out for them. Someday. Somewhere. Somehow.

However, just for today, they only want to celebrate war is over. They want to forget it was even a war. How naive they are, you may think. But after all they have lived they have the right to be as naive as they wish.

They will get lost now that they have been found. And they will discover that some nights are not only black but full of stars. Just for one day, they won't ask the world for more. Just for one night they will be stars.


	2. So won´t you fly with me?

**So won’t you fly with me?**

 

The song comes to his ears like a soft breeze. Ash is dancing alone in the middle of the dance floor. It’s early yet. The usual bar´s clients are not coming soon.

Actually, Eiji has never liked places like the one they are in now. He thinks he doesn´t even know how to dance. But Ash, well is there something Aslan Callenreese isn’t able to do? Eiji is sure there isn´t. Ash can dance, the hell he knows how to do it.

Ash sways his body using the hypnotic moves of an elegant feline. Eiji knows he’s the objective of that tempting dance. Ash is a hunter and he’s the prey. Eiji smiles. Ash is trying to catch him but Eiji thinks it’s not necessary. He’s caught now. Ash is calling him and Eiji’s answering to his call.

“So you know how to dance… “Ash says as Eiji takes him into his arms and the boy starts swaying with him

“I’m pretty sure I don’t”, Eiji answers, “but I do know how to fly so dancing could not be that hard after all.”

“You do know how to fly…“, says Ash and the boy remembers the first time he saw Eiji falling through the air and he thought Eiji was like a bird. “You saved my life because of it. You know it, don’t you? “

“I do, and I’ll fly with you now”, says Eiji feeling the pounding sound of his heart.

 He’s happy. Ash is like the sky for him. Free. Immense. His.

“So will I”, Ash says. “Teach me how to fly, Eiji “.

Eiji smiles shyly and then, he kisses Ash. Eiji feels the smile on Ash’s lips. And he smiles before their kiss gets deeper, hotter, and more electric.

Ash feels he’s flying now. Eiji is the best of all teachers on that topic.

They’re flying and the flight seems to be an endless one. 


	3. Tell me all the ways to love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me all the ways to love you”, Ash whispers as his right arm rounds Eiji´s waits and the boy leaves a soft kiss on Eiji´s forehead.
> 
> “You already know how to”, answers Eiji with a sleepy and adorable voice.

**Tell me all the ways to love you.**

The pale light of the moon is drawing shapes over Eiji´s naked skin. The boy whose black hair covers his forehead is asleep. He´s breathing slowly, carelessly as if he was in a safe place.

_“And he is in a safe place now”,_ Ash mumbles and a sweet smile, the kind of smile the world outside will never know, the kind of smile you think a stray kid or a boy who has been a killer isn´t able to produce, appears on  his lips.

Of course Ash is able to smile like that because of Eiji. Eiji is the secret behind the happiness that is hidden in his smile.

Thinking on that, Ash lets his fingertips touch Eiji´s soft skin. Eiji´s soft in all the right places. Eiji´s also strong, the muscles of his abdomen are hard and Ash´ fingers stay there for a long time. They play, they wander and they draw pictures of a better future with the light of the moonbeams.

Ash knows he really likes Eiji. No, it´s more than that: he loves Eiji. But also the word _love_ doesn´t seem to be enough.

He adores Eiji.

He breathes for Eiji.

He´s alive because Eiji is in his life and even when these words may sound exaggerated and cheesy, Ash knows they´re painfully true. He loves Eiji. He doesn´t even know he was capable to love someone, but he knows he loves Eiji.

_“Tell me all the ways to love you”,_ Ash whispers as his right arm rounds Eiji´s waits and the boy leaves a soft kiss on Eiji´s forehead.

_“You already know how to”,_ answers Eiji with a sleepy and adorable voice.

Ash bursts into laughter for he has been caught. Yes, he guesses he has learned how to love Eiji and he kisses Eiji´s lips before he covers him with his body. He loves Eiji, he doesn´t need to learn anything because you can´t learn how to love, you simply live it, you feel it, it´s something that captures you.

Love is sometimes like a prison and Ash thinks that Eiji´s arms are the best prison he has been caught in.


	4. I´ll be your strenght.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash smiles again and hides his face in Eiji´s shoulder. He knows Eiji´s promise will be hard to keep but he decides to believe him anyway. It´s a promise made by Eiji after all, and when Eiji is by his side, everything seems to be possible.

**I´ll be your strength.**

Eiji had said he would wait for Ash forever and he had meant it, but he never thought the wait would be so hard.

It has passed only three hours since they have left Papa Dino´s mansion and Eiji is starting to get frantic with worry. He is afraid now, he doesn´t want to lose Ash but as the minutes fly by, the fear increases more and more.

No. Losing Ash can´t be even an option. Ash is coming back to him. He will be in front of him again. He only needs to be patient, that´s all it takes. Be patient, Eiji, be patient.

Eiji closes his eyes trying to convince himself but the fact that Ash is hurt, physically, mentally and emotionally hurt makes it difficult to be hopeful. Ash´s heart is broken in many ways. Ash is like a hurt lynx and there´s nothing more dangerous than a hurt wild beast. Ash is like a machine made for destruction and that´s something dangerous for others and for himself.

Eiji starts pacing the floor trying to ease his mind. He´s in a cheap motel room where Ash´s gang decided to spend the night. He wants to start running and go out the room and he has almost made the decision to do so when suddenly he hears a noise and the door opens.

At said sound, the first thing that Eiji does is looking for a weapon because he knows how to protect himself even when Ash doesn´t let him hold a gun. Eiji´s starting to feel fear again and then, the dim light of the room lights up a face that Eiji would recognize anywhere.

Ash is there. Ash is safe. Ash is with him again and for a minute, Eiji forgets about everything and runs towards Ash in order to hold him again. Eiji only wants to feel Ash´s body against his own.

“You´re safe”, says Eiji in a craving whisper, “you came back to me, you´re safe”.

Ash smiles weakly at Eiji´s warm welcoming. He feels the world is falling over him but Eiji is there, he´s holding him now and that sole fact is like a shelter for him. Eiji´s there with him, and Eiji´s saying his name over and over again. It´s like a lullaby, the kind of lullaby Griffin, his older brother, used to sing to him before he went to Vietnam.

At the thought of his dead brother, Ash feels as if a glass is breaking within him and suddenly all the pain he was trying to keep inside him bursts and he starts crying. His tears are making Eiji´s chest wet but Ash knows Eiji wouldn´t mind. Eiji isn´t afraid tears. Eiji´s a safe place to cry and even when he hates crying for it makes him feel weak, he can’t help but continue crying.

Ash knows he has won a battle but not the war and he feels so weak, so powerless. He feels like a child who´s afraid of the world, a child who can´t stand darkness anymore.

“I´ll be your strength”, says Eiji and Ash isn´t surprised Eiji knows how he´s exactly feeling.

“I´m sorry, Eiji”, mumbles Ash and he tightens their embrace.

“Don´t be sorry, everything will be alright. I promise Ash, everything´s just going to be fine”, says Eiji because what else can he say?

Ash smiles again and  hides his face in Eiji´s shoulder. He knows Eiji´s promise will be hard to keep but he decides to believe him anyway. It´s a promise made by Eiji after all, and when Eiji is by his side, everything seems to be possible.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really needed something like this at the end of yesterday´s chapter T.T


	5. Forever ain´t half the time I want to spend with you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash sighs and thinks that maybe it´s time to accept that forever exits for real.  
> Forever is in Eiji´s smile. Forever is in Eiji´s eyes. Forever exists because Eiji exists.  
> And if there´s forever, then forever isn´t even half the time Ash wants to spend with Eiji.

**Forever ain´t half the time I want to spend with you.**

Ash has always had problems with the word _“forever”._

Does forever exist after all? Is there something like eternity for human beings?

Before Ash met Eiji, the Lynx had thought nothing lasts forever and that it was a good thing to know. He hasn´t had to stand his father forever, for example. He hasn´t had to deal with the abuses he suffered as a child forever and luckily, his relationship with Papa Dino finished for good and the pain that Griffin´s death caused him wasn´t infinite as well.

Ash used to think  forever wasn´t a good thing for him, not when he had to learn how to live day by day as he realized that life can be short and fragile: in one second you´re alive and the next one you´d be dead. Human lives are not more than a flame which can be blown out at any time. Humans are destructive as well and if the world doesn´t destroy them, they could do it very well by themselves. No, forever isn´t a good thing for a finite race; forever is just an absurd ambition for naïve people, forever couldn´t and mustn’t exist.

Of course, it was what he thought before Eiji.

Ash smiles widely as he is watching Eiji running in the field where he has started training pole vaulting again. Ash feels his heart burning in pride as Eiji starts running, and he admires the way in which his body knows exactly how to move to get the impulse he needs to fly using the pole and finally, the way in which Eiji´s body flies over the sky as if Eiji´s flight could last forever.

Ash feels the urge to stand up and clap but he controls himself and only smiles. Immediately after getting up from the landing area, Eiji runs towards him with a bright smile that Ash is only allowed to see when Eiji is practicing the sport he loves.

_“How was it?”_ asks Eiji like an excited child would ask for his present on Christmas´ morning.

_“Perfect like you”,_ Ash answers and Eiji laughs shyly, adorably, and Ash feels the new urge to kiss him right away.

_“You are not objective, Ash”_ says Eiji, _“I´ll try again. Let me show you something really perfect. Don’t keep your eyes off of me.”_

“Never”, says Ash and that simple word makes Eiji glow like the sun does in spring time.

Eiji runs to the field again and Ash discovers he has a new problematic word: _Never._

_I´ll never let you down, Eiji. I´ll never stop loving you. I´ll never hurt you. I´ll never leave you._

And that word´s problematic because if there is a never, then there must be a forever as well.

Ash sighs and thinks that maybe it´s time to accept that forever exits for real.

Forever is in Eiji´s smile. Forever is in Eiji´s eyes. Forever exists because Eiji exists.

And if there´s forever, then forever isn´t even half the time Ash wants to spend with Eiji.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. I may not seem like very much but I´m yours…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji has said he was his to have. Eiji has said he was his to love.  
> Mine, Ash thinks and the smile on his lips widens as he has never had someone only for him before…

**I may not seem like very much but I´m yours…**

Eiji is looking at him with his eyes full of wonder. It´s as if Eiji is looking at him for the first time. The dark eyes of the other boy are also full of passion, full of desire. Ash knows his eyes are full of the same emotions as well, nevertheless he´s afraid.

He´s afraid of surrender. He´s afraid of falling in that primitive emotion that leads all men to commit monstrous sins.

Yes, Ash is afraid, not afraid of Eiji, even passion seems to be a good thing when it is Eiji who´s touching him.

Ash is afraid of what may come next. Ash is afraid of losing Eiji because maybe Eiji would abandon him once the desire that´s burning in his eyes in that moment gets satisfied.

Ash feels embarrassed because he´s thinking those stupid things about Eiji, his Eiji. He´s embarrassed of believing that Eiji is a monster too, a monster like that ones who had touched him before. The monsters who treated him like a reusable merchandise, the monsters who abused him, the monsters who taught him that his body was a toy, that his body would never know love.

But Eiji is not a monster. Eiji´s hands are touching his naked body slowly, carefully, lovingly. Eiji takes his time to discover him. Eiji´s hands are patient, they´re kind, and those are the hands of an angel not a monster. Because while other´s hands have just caused him pain and humiliation, Eiji´s hands are making love to him. Eiji´s hands are love, actually.

“Am I making you feel bad?” asks Eiji and the boy´s cheeks flush.

“No, everything´s good…” says Ash trying to ease his mind and surrender to whatever is going to happen with Eiji.

“You´re afraid, aren´t you?” asks Eiji and the boy holds him closer not with passion but tenderness.

Eiji is holding Ash as if the boy was made of glass or the most fragile porcelain. Eiji´s trying to comfort him and make him feel at ease, at home. Eiji´s not asking for anything Ash doesn´t want to give him and Ash feels like crying because moments ago he was thinking that Eiji may be like the others.

No, Eiji is Eiji, there´s no one like Eiji in the world for him.

“I´m afraid of losing you…” says Ash hiding his face in Eiji´s bare chest.

“Why? I´m not leaving you any time soon. I´m yours and I want to be with you”, says Eiji and the boy takes his chin so he can see directly into Ash´s emerald green eyes. “I know I´m not very much but what I am, what I feel, all of it is yours, OK?”

“OK”, whispers Ash, “we can continue with…”

“Hush”, says Eiji with a bright smile as he puts one of his fingers over Ash´s lips, “you need to rest now, we can continue later. We´ll have a lifetime to be together, won´t we? Now you need to rest, I´ll be here with you. I love you, Ash…”

Ash wants to argue with Eiji. He wants to tell him he´s ready to voluntarily give himself to him and only him, but truth be told, maybe he´s not. And maybe he would be able to give himself completely sooner or later because Eiji´s not going to leave him. He´s not going. He’s staying with him.

Eiji has said he was his to have. Eiji has said he was his to love.

_Mine,_ Ash thinks and the smile on his lips widens as he has never had someone only for him before…

 


	7. When you get caught between the moon and NY City the best that you can do is falling in love…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We are in the middle of a war and you have to get your shit together and help Ash, you stupid”, Eiji says out loud.  
> He´s trying to forget about his feelings because he´s a man on a mission. He needs to stop acting like a hopelessly romantic teenager because there´s no time to fall in love.

**When you get caught between the moon and NY City the best that you can do is falling in love…**

Eiji´s watching all Ash´s pictures he has taken since the first day he was in New York City. He doesn´t know why he has the need to do so, but now the pictures are all over his bed and the moonlight is shining over them giving Ash´s paper smile the appearance of a mysterious illusion.

Eiji feels his heart pounding at said sight: blond hair, emerald green eyes and the wild expression of a boy who seems to fear no one, nothing. That´s Ash Lynx and it has passed two hours since the moment Ash Lynx kissed him.

Yes, Ash Lynx kissed him and it was Eiji´s first kiss actually. Nobody had kissed him before and Ash´s kiss was… well, amazing.

Eiji’s cheeks blush at that thought. He must be embarrassed but he´s not. He must be worried because Ash´s kiss was actually a way to deliver a message and entrusted him a mission but… it´s impossible for Eiji not to think about the kiss over and over again.

Eiji feels a burning pleasure in the bottom of his chest when he thinks about it. It is like a heat wave which is hitting hard on him. He is able to remember the surprise and the wild excitement he felt and how those emotions became in pure euphoria later as Ash lips were moving onto his. And when Ash ended the kiss after having caressed his tongue with his, Eiji felt like kissing Ash again and again, Eiji had found himself wishing for an endless kiss. But then, he remembered they were kissing in the middle of the visit room of a state prison and reality takes over Eiji´s mind again.

“We are in the middle of a war and you have to get your shit together and help Ash, you stupid”, Eiji says out loud.

 He´s trying to forget about his feelings because he´s a man on a mission. He needs to stop acting like a hopelessly romantic teenager because there´s no time to fall in love.

“Falling in love?” says Eiji and he stands up as he is afraid of what he has just thought.

No, no, no. He´s not in love, he´s not having romantic feelings for a boy he has just met, a boy who has transform his easy life in a hysterical one.  He´s not in love, he doesn´t feel anything for Ash, does he?

In that very moment, the softness and the humidity of Ash´s mouth appears again in his mind and Eiji feels he has been caught by only one kiss. Apart from that, he is caught in a city he doesn´t know, he is caught in a war that is not his to fight and even the moon seems to have caught him because the moon is illuminating Ash´s picture again making Eiji´s heart melt.

The song says that the best thing you can do when you´re in New York City is falling in love. Well, maybe Eiji has accomplished that goal by now and truth be told, it is the only thing that´s causing him distress because if he had to kill somebody to have the chance to kiss Ash once more, he would do it. That´s the only thing Eiji´s totally sure of because maybe, just maybe, he´s a little bit in love with Ash Lynx…

 

 

 

 


	8. I want your fears, your hopes, the whole kaleidoscope…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People say our hearts are like colorful and multiform kaleidoscopes and Ash wants Eiji to share his kaleidoscope heart with him. Ash wants Eiji to give him his whole heart as well and offer his own in return.

**I want your fears, your hopes, the whole kaleidoscope…**

Ash has made Eiji cry and the blond boy feels like crap about it.

Even when Eiji didn´t cry in front of him, Ash knows making Eiji cry is a sin too big to ignore.

However, Eiji has been smiling after their little fight and Ash thinks it wasn´t even a fight. It was the only thing he could do to keep Eiji away from the danger because Ash doesn´t want him to be a soldier in a war that is none of his business.  

_Go back to Japan, you´re making everything difficult, I can´t protect you all the time, you´re not more than a problem for me._

Those words continue bothering him. He regretted saying them the very moment the words slipped out of his mouth and he seriously hated himself when Eiji´s eyes gave him that painful look. Ash knew he has hurt Eiji so bad.

The boy sighs and he looks up to the sky as the image of a wretched Eiji starts torturing him and an embarrassed smile appears on his lips. To be honest, he doesn´t want Eiji to leave him. He wants Eiji to stay with him because in a world full of darkness, Eiji is the light.

Ash thinks Eiji could be that person for him, the man who can share his light with him and not only that. Because when Eiji smiles, Ash feels he can share his life with him, even when his life is a total mess in that moment. He wants to share his pain, his joy, his tenderness and his stupid jokes. People say our hearts are like colorful and multiform kaleidoscopes and Ash wants Eiji to share his kaleidoscope heart with him. Ash wants Eiji to give him his whole heart as well and offer his own in return.

Ash has thought that stupid proverb people say in romantic movies _“I want you for better, for worse”,_ was stupid but that´s exactly what he wants to live with Eiji. But it´s impossible, isn´t it? After all, he´s not more than a wild beast. He´s a wild animal whit a big thirst for revenge and he doesn´t have the right to be in love with Eiji.  

“Ash?” says a sweet and soft voice and Ash feels how his head turns immediately, how he answers to Eiji’s calling in less than a second.

“You should have some sleep…” says Ash, and Eiji smiles shyly at him and the blond boy notices Eiji is afraid of talking with him.

“I want to ask you something. It´s important. I promise I´ll leave you alone after hearing your answer”, says Eiji and Ash wants to forget the world and just hold Eiji till the universe explodes.

“Ask me”, says Ash.

“Do you really think I am weak? I mean, I know I am but… well… Ash, I think that if you let me do it, I could protect myself and protect you. Ash, I know I´m not a warrior but I really want to be with you and…”

Ash interrupts Eiji´s speech by taking him into his arms. Ash holds him tight and he feels how Eiji´s body fits perfectly with his. Eiji´s height is perfect. Eiji´s fragrance is perfect and Ash wishes he could stay lost in that silence with Eiji forever. But Eiji wants an answer and Ash doesn´t want to speak because if he does it, Eiji will leave him again.

“It is not you but me who´s weak, Eiji”, says Ash.

“How come?” ask Eiji holding Ash tighter.

“I´m the one who can´t stand the idea of causing you pain and if you stay by my side, somebody will hurt you sooner or later. The idea of losing you makes me weak. If it passes, I won´t forgive myself. I wish you could stay here with me even if it´s just for now, I´ll never ask you to stay with me forever…” says Ash.

“Then, I’ll stay”, answers Eiji doubtlessly.

“Eiji…” whispers Ash.

“I´ll stay forever, I´ll protect you. I´m on your side, Ash. Even when all the world is against you, I´m with you…”

“Eiji, please…”

“Forever Ash, I´ll stay by your side forever…”

Ash sighs again and he discovers there´s no use in arguing. Eiji has made his decision and even when it is selfish, Ash is happy to be Eiji´s election. Ash is happy to have Eiji in his arms and in that moment it´s the only thing Ash minds…

 


	9. When raindrops fell down from the sky…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game ends when Ash catches Eiji by the Japanese boy´s waist and both of them fall over the grass. At the beginning, they laugh and call each other´s name until the silence appears and they look at each other´s eyes as if it was nothing more important and beautiful in the universe. The rain is falling over them but they don´t seem to notice it.

**When raindrops fell down from the sky…**

“They are disgusting.”  Sing points out.

 “They are madly in love”, says Max with a playful smile on his lips.

 “They are also sickeningly sweet and happy. They remind me of our first month of marriage, do you remember Max?” says Jessica jokingly.

“I do remember”, Max laughs, “I think we´ll have a wedding soon if those two continue like that.”

“Gross!” says Sings and everybody bursts in laughter again as the young Chinese teenager walks away to the living room where Michael is watching cartoons.

Everybody is watching Eiji and Ash from the window of Max´s house. It´s Michael´s birthday and everybody is enjoying the child´s party or at least it was a party before the rain had ruined everything, making them hide inside the house.

All of them feel that´s the first normal meeting they have had since the war is over. There´s no more enemies, no more battles to fight. That´s a normal summer day and even when the sky is falling down hard over them, everybody feels content and easy.

But nobody looks happier than the boys who are playing hide and seek outside in Max´s garden. The laughs of Eiji and Ash are audible from outside and all of them can´t help but watch them as they are running under the rain, running away from the other and trying to catch him in his arms as soon as possible. The umbrella they had been using when they decided to go outside in order to be alone is laying on the green grass now as if the couple had never needed it. They´re like kids, and while watching them Max thinks that actually, they are.

The game ends when Ash catches Eiji by the Japanese boy´s waist and both of them fall over the grass. At the beginning, they laugh and call each other´s name until the silence appears and they look at each other´s eyes as if it was nothing more important and beautiful in the universe. The rain is falling over them but they don´t seem to notice it.

Ash and Eiji smile, and the blond boy caresses Eiji´s  lips before kissing them softly and Eiji closes his eyes as if his one desire is to get lost in that kiss. Yes, they are definitely in love and the rain is a new shelter for them.

“I think they need a little privacy”, says Jessica sighing as she holds Max´s hand.

“Sure they do”, says Max, “Who wants pizza for dinner?”

Inside the house, everybody answers affirmatively to Max´s question and the interrupted party starts again.

Outside, two boys are kissing under the rain and as the raindrops are falling over them and their kiss becomes longer and deeper nothing else really matters…

 

 

 


	10. I'll leave my love hidden in the sun for when the darkness comes…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants to say Eiji that he´s like an invincible sun for him. Ash wants to say Eiji that he´s the only antidote for taking the fear of obscurity away from him, but he says nothing at all.

**I'll leave my love** **hidden in the sun for when the darkness comes…**

The war was over. The nightmares hasn´t finished yet.  

Ash wakes up immediately after screaming in his dreams. Images of burning cities and dead bodies appear behind his eyelids. He´s afraid of closing his eyes. His afraid of darkness again.

He is paralyzed but his breath is fast, it´s heavy. He´s sweating. He´s shaking. He´s that little kid afraid of the monsters that the absence of light brings when the night comes.

Ash tries to get himself together. He doesn´t want Eiji to wake up because that´s the fifth night in a row in which he has woken up feeling frightened and desperate. He wants to be stronger than ever, he wants to continue living now that he can be himself and not the soulless killer he had to be for many years. He doesn´t want Eiji to see him like that again and he knows it´s silly because Eiji has seen him crying, Eiji has seen him destroyed but he never belittles him.

Eiji has seen him at his worst, yet Eiji still thinks he´s the best man in the entire universe.

“Are you fine?” says Eiji with a sleepy voice that makes Ash feels both guilty and relieved.

“Yes…Yes, I-I…” tries to say Ash but his voice breaks.

At that sound, Eiji´s wide awake. He moves so fast that Ash thinks the other boy has learnt how to teleport. In less than a second, Eiji´s arms are around him and Ash feels the familiar warmth, the ease and the happiness he feels whenever Eiji´s close to him.

“Better?” asks Eiji, as his hands are caressing Ash´s back.

“Better…” answers Ash and he couldn´t help sighing.

“I told you to wake me up if the nightmares come to you”, says Eiji in a soft whisper.

“I´m not a little child anymore” says Ash hiding his face in Eiji´s chest.

“Of course you aren´t but fear isn’t only for little children. It´s ok to be afraid. I´m with you. I´ll always be with you, remember? Do you want me to turn on the lights?”

“No, it´s ok”, says Ash and he holds Eiji tighter.

He wants to say more things but he finds himself unable to do so. He wants to say that Eiji´s all the light he needs. He wants to say Eiji that he´s like an invincible sun for him. Ash wants to say Eiji that he´s the only antidote for taking the fear of obscurity away from him, but he says nothing at all. Ash knows that Eiji knows all of it already. And Ash also knows that Eiji will be forever with him whenever the darkness comes…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today´s chapter got me all soft. I mean softer than usual TwT   
> Thanks to all the peolpe who´s reading this, btw :3


	11. Blackbird singing in the dead of night…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Eiji’s singing. Yes, it’s just a soft and sweet humming that comes from Eiji’s mouth creating the illusion of a love melody and Ash wants to listen to that sound in his ears forever.

**Blackbird singing in the dead of night…**

Eiji’s singing and Ash is watching him from the kitchen´s door. The blond is hiding and he doesn´t feel like letting Eiji know that he´s there.

The Japanese boy is looking cute and adorable as usual. He’s wearing a blue apron over his usual clothes and Ash finds it lovely. Eiji’s is mixing a lot of ingredients in a deep saucepan and the smell that comes from it makes Ash’s mouth water in anticipation. It really smells delicious and Ash says a little prayer because he´s grateful they are not going to eat tofu sandwiches today.

But above the stunning vision it is to see Eiji preparing dinner, it’s beautiful listening to his singing and Ash smiles. He shouldn’t be so surprised because Eiji is like a bird after all and all the beautiful birds in this world know how to fly and how to sing.

And Eiji’s singing. Yes, it’s just a soft and sweet humming that comes from Eiji’s mouth creating the illusion of a love melody and Ash wants to listen to that sound in his ears forever.

The song continues his journey from Eiji´s mouth to Ash´s ears and the boy realizes he knows that song perfectly:

It is the sound of endless nights, enamored whispers and passionate caressing.

It is the sound of his heart beating at the same time of Eiji´s.

Eiji´s song sounds like the rain and it is telling a story, their story.

Ash´s heart melts at his cheesy thoughts but he´s not embarrassed anymore. He´s happy, absolutely happy. Eiji´s a singing bird and Ash feels joyful because Eiji has chosen to fly in a sky where he can see him and where he will be humming their song forever…

 


	12. We keep this love in a photograph…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nevertheless, he´s actually happy. And Eiji´s there, smiling at him, giving him eternity with his bright smile. Because as long as Eiji smiles at him, there will be an infinite to dream about and there will be a reason to defy his own mortality…

**We keep this love in a photograph…**

“Do you remember me taking pictures of you?” asks Eiji while Ash is taking pictures of him.

Ash nods as a soft smile appears in his mouth. Of course he remembers that moment, it was the day when he saw Eiji for the first time. Ash would never forget that moment and how since then he knew deep in his heart he had found something bigger than his problems. Ash supposes you always remember the day when you met the person who changed everything inside and outside you, don´t you?

That´s the reason he asked Eiji to teach him how to take photographs. He has found himself obsessed with the idea of making immortal memories if such thing is possible to achieve. 

Ash wants his memories with Eiji to be timeless because the whole world will forget them one day but he doesn´t want oblivion to take anything else from him. He wants to keep the happy memories he´s making now because he had had to forget half a life of misery. He feels as if he has a lot of oblivion within him and that´s a hole too heavy to carry.

But he knows some holes need to be filled and so he´s going to fill his. He´s going to do it by taking pictures of Eiji, pictures where Eiji will be smiling forever. Pictures in which the world can see Eiji embracing him so tight he makes the world disappear.

They say you can´t capture love in a piece of paper but they also told him he would never be loved, they told him he would never be happy.

Nevertheless, he´s actually happy. And Eiji´s there, smiling at him, giving him eternity with his bright smile. Because as long as Eiji smiles at him, there will be an infinite to dream about and there will be a reason to defy his own mortality…

 

 


	13. If he says he loves you, tell him you love him too…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you…” says Eiji and at first, he doesn´t notice he has said “you” and not “them”.

**If he says he loves you, tell him you love him too…**

Ash has brought him flowers.

Eiji looks at the bouquet with a mixture of surprise, enchantment and wild emotions he didn´t know he was able to feel. Nobody has given him flowers before and as of lately, Ash is his first time in that little thing too.

Yes, Ash has been his first in more than one way for him:

Ash has been the first to kiss him.

Ash has been the first to touch him.

Ash has been the first to ask him to stay by his side forever and there they are, looking at each other´s eyes. Ash is holding a beautiful bouquet of red, pale pink, orange and yellow flowers and Eiji takes it into his arms. He doesn´t know what to say. He´s just there, looking at his flowers in awe as Ash looks at him with a shy and adorable smile on his lips.

Eji knows that Ash is waiting for a comment, even a “thank you” would be enough but Eiji is lost for words. He isn´t available to come out with a speech which can do justice to the kind of emotions Ash has woken up inside his heart. Because Ash has given him flowers, because Eiji remembers his mother told him once that the flowers have its own language, those flowers mean something but the only thing he can think about is that they are a present from Ash and every little thing that comes from Ash is absolutely flattering.

“So… do you like them?” says Ash shyly and Eiji founds it captivating to see the boy who once targeted a mafia boss with his gun, behaving in that awkward and sweet way.

“I love you…” says Eiji and at first, he doesn´t notice he has said _“you”_ and not _“them”._

Ash´s green eyes sparkle with the sound of the words Eiji has said and without hesitating a little bit, Ash gets closer to Eiji and kisses his lips. Ash wants to catch the echo of those words in his own mouth forever because Eiji is the first person to tell him those words.

Eiji has been the first to say _“I love you”_ to him.

“I love you too, Eiji” says Ash and the Japanese boy smiles widely as if those words and not the flowers were the only sign he needs to know that spring has come his way and, that as long as Ash is with him, they would never know about winter anymore…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That new official art was the death of me. Soft boys giving flowers to each other are my weakness¡¡  
> Thanks a lot for reading this short stories guys, I hope you continue enjoying :3


	14. You hold me without touch, you keep me without chain…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You´re choosing to love and to be destroyed instead of hating and destroy your enemies”, he has been told but he couldn´t mind any of those words even when he knows they´re painfully true.

**You hold me without touch, you keep me without chain…**

Yes, Ash knows everything could be easier if he were away from Eiji but he finds himself unable to do so. It’s impossible, it will always be no matter how hard he tries to push Eiji away from him.

He has been cold with Eiji. He has tried to explain him why it´s stupid to stay by his side nonetheless any of those things has worked. And deep in his heart, in the core of everything Ash feels he knows the cause of it is that he can lose everything but Eiji. He doesn´t want to be away from Eiji.

_“You´re choosing to love and to be destroyed instead of hating and destroy your enemies”,_ he has been told but he couldn´t mind any of those words even when he knows they´re painfully true.

No, he´s not trying to be a tragic hero, actually he´s being stubbornly selfish for the first time in his life even when he knows everything could end up in a burning hell for everybody. However, Ash tries to see the good side of things, there must be a possibility of having the kind of future that Eiji makes him wish for

Ash doesn´t mind if he gets killed, he hasn´t been afraid of death since a long time ago. Moreover, he knows there are worst things than being dead and he does know that being without Eiji is one of those things. So he´s not leaving Eiji any time soon. Ash is not going to give away the pleasure of watching Eiji smile at any moment or kissing him just because he wants it. He belongs to Eiji and Eiji belongs to him. That´s all that matters.

Having a life with Eiji is worth dying. A life without Eiji is actually like being dead for Ash.

Eiji holds his heart and future with him. Ash knows Eiji has caught him and truth be told, he doesn´t want to be released….

 


	15. If you like it, then you should put a ring on it…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji has never thought about marriage but in that very moment, he thinks that ring would be perfect for Ash, it would be perfect for asking him to live his life together forever.

**If you like it, then you should put a ring on it…**

 “So, are you thinking on putting a ring on Chris Winston´s finger, Eiji?” says Mrs. Coleman and the Japanese boy feels his heart shaking in his chest as he is totally surprised to hear his neighbor´s voice.

The woman is standing by his side, a naughty smile on her lips. She´s an adorable, elegant old woman who has always been kind to him. They have been good friends since Ash decided to move to that expensive building when they were watching Golzine´s offices during the war, and then, when everything finished, Ash decided to stay there for a little while in order to let everything arranged in New York before he and Eiji finally go to Japan to live together for an indefinite period of time.

Eiji has to accept that maybe it was the main reason he got to be in front of a jeweler’s display. He found himself captured in that place at first sight. Eiji was on his way to buy the groceries as usual and suddenly he got entranced by the glow of the jewels, specifically the one that comes from the engagement rings. There is actually one that would be perfect for Ash, it´s a golden ring with a little emerald set on the top of it. It´s perfect. Eiji has never thought about marriage but in that very moment, he thinks that ring would be perfect for Ash, it would be perfect for asking him to live his life together forever.

Eiji sighs and his cheeks flush. For a moment he has forgotten about Mrs. Coleman´s question and when he finally looks at her, it´s not a surprise for him to see his friend watching him with tenderness in her eyes.  

“That´s a beautiful ring in my opinion” says the woman with a bright smile on her lips as she points out the ring that Eiji has been watching. “I think you and Chris aren´t old enough to think about marriage but the heart wants what it wants, Eiji. You love Chris, don´t you?”

“I do love him…” says Eiji, and the boy smiles because he has never told Mr. Coleman that “Chris” is actually “Ash”.

“Then don´t be afraid, if you want to put that ring on your boyfriend´s finger, go on and get him. Believe me, dear, age is not important when there´s love and  I know that I´m going to sound like an awful stalker, but you and Chris look perfect together. I can see you both growing up together. You´re not a coward Eiji and if you let me say it, you´re the hottest husband material I´ve ever seen in my life”, says the woman remarking his words with a friendly pat on Eiji´s back.

“You´re so sweet, Mrs. Coleman”, says Eiji with a fun laugh.

“So are you, dear. And I´m sure Chris must think the same about you. Young love is a precious thing but do you know what´s better than that?” asks Mrs. Coleman.

“What?”

“Watching that love getting old with you. But don´t mind me, dear. I´m a hopelessly romantic and you and Chris are so young. Don´t rush anything, OK? But if you need advice on how to make an unforgettable proposal you can always ask me. But, what about dinner Eiji? Do you have something special in mind? Chris doesn´t like healthy food, does he? I´ll teach you how to prepare him my home-made Italian pasta. It´s fatty and delicious just like Chris likes it…” says Mr. Coleman as the woman takes Eiji´s arm and leads him to the super market.

The brunette smiles as he listens to his friend´s pieces of advice. Sometimes it is nice to speak about Ash with somebody and Mrs. Coleman always listens to him, that´s the way they became friends. Both of them continue walking, laughing and remembering Mrs. Coleman´s wedding.

And Eiji thinks about Ash, how he´s going to burst into laughter when he tells him about his adventures with Mrs. Coleman. But perhaps he´s not going to say anything at all about this particular talking. After all, when you think about a marriage proposal you want it to be a surprise for your fiancé-to-be, don´t you?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It´s canon that Eiji is friends with other wives and so I couldn´t help writing about it xD  
> BTW, I´d never imagine these short stories would have attention, I´ve reached 1000 hits and that´s a lot for me¡ Thank you everybody, I´m so grateful you are reading my extra cheesy, fluffy drabbles :3


	16. There´s beautiful and then there´s you…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You´re so beautiful”, says Ash and Eiji blushes so hard that Ash can´t do anything but kissing him.  
> Because when it comes to Eiji, there´s no need to use unnecessary words.  
> Eiji is beautiful and what has been said is more than enough.

**There´s beautiful and then there´s you…**

Eiji´s beautiful, so beautiful…

Ash is watching him as the boy walks in Central Park, Eiji´s taking pictures of the trees, the bridges and the flowers. Meanwhile the light shines through the leaves and it reflects over Eiji´s dark hair, Ash thinks it´s impossible to find anything more beautiful than Eiji.

Ash sighs, his green eyes are caught in the shape of Eiji. He has read a lot of poetry books during his life but Ash believes no poem on Earth could do justice to Eiji.

 Ash feels as if he has to create new poems to barely describe him. Of course, Ash is not much of a poet but he has the urge to babbling the most beautiful words the human race has created in order to make Eiji understand that he´s the most flattering vision he has ever seen.

Because Ash has been told he´s beautiful over and over again, and Ash is aware of that beauty, he has used it many times as a weapon too. His delicate figure, his attractive bright green eyes and the wild charm of his personality have been the death of many men and one of his survival tools. Ash knows that he´s beautiful and maybe what makes Eiji´s beauty more valuable is the fact that the Japanese boy doesn’t even know how gorgeous he is.

And Ash wants to shout it out, he wants to tell the world about how Eiji makes his whole universe different, how Eiji´s smile transforms an ordinary day into an uncharted world that only Ash is allowed to discover.

That´s the reason Ash gets closer to Eiji and without waiting a single second more, he takes Eiji into his arms by his back, and the green-eyed boy feels a torrent of bliss in his veins as Eiji laughs and says his name.

“You´re so beautiful”, says Ash and Eiji blushes so hard that Ash can´t do anything but kissing him.

Because when it comes to Eiji, there´s no need to use unnecessary words.  

Eiji is beautiful and what has been said is more than enough.


	17. And he calls me moonlight too…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The moonlight looks good on you”, Ash whispers over Eiji´s lips.  
> “You´re the only moonlight I want on me, Ash”, says Eiji and there´s passion in his voice.

**And he calls me moonlight too…**

 

The light of the moon shines over the place where two men are looking at each other and the world outside seems to be suddenly vanished. The two lovers are lost in each other´s gaze, as if they wanted to know that the song that their hearts are singing comes from the silent desire that is surrounding them. It is as if said song is the voice of an omen, as if it is the warning that something new will happen between them.

 

Something important is about to happen, they both know that.

Ash sighs as Eiji´s body trembles against his. The Japanese boy´s face is flushed as they have been kissing for what has felt like a little eternity. Ash knows what will be the destiny of all those kisses and Eiji is lost in his emerald green eyes. Ash can read those eyes easily, those eyes are asking him the following questions: _What's next now, Ash? What will happen when your hands undress me and I undress your body and I want to touch your skin endlessly?  What if I want to give up myself to you? Is it okay that I want to give myself to you even though I don´t know anything about surrendering myself to anybody? How can I do this when this is the first time I want to be this close to someone? What will happen, Ash, when I want to have you inside me? Will it be enough for you? Am I enough for you?_

 

“Of course you're enough”, says Ash as if he has read Eiji´s mind. “I may have done this before, many times, more times than you would like to know but nobody else has made me feel the way you make me feel Eiji and that, that is as new to me as this is to you ...”

 

Eiji nods feeling that the urgency in his crotch is going to end up burning him, making him explode. Ash´s words have made the flames of his body rise triumphantly and the beating of his heart urge him to be brave at once. He has to keep going. The doubts in his mind vanish completely and they only leave room for the curiosity of his heart and the curiosity of his hands that crept under Ash´s clothes who smiles at him knowing what would come next.  

Ash´s hands are soft and gentle. Eiji feels his body shaking while Ash takes his clothes off.

It is the moment when Eiji realizes that both of them are completely naked, facing each other, their bare skins are shining with intensity under that moon that is the only witness of a sweet surrender.  The moonlight is the only witness of an act that has been repeated over the centuries as a meeting between bodies but in that case, in the particular case of Ash and Eiji, both of them are sure that it is more than just an empty intercourse: they want to become infinite through endless kisses and caresses, that's what it's about for them.

 “The moonlight looks good on you”, Ash whispers over Eiji´s lips.

“You´re the only moonlight I want on me, Ash”, says Eiji and there´s passion in his voice.

Ash smiles. Maybe Eiji is inexpert in the fine art of loving but Ash´s there to teach him. Eiji has taught him to fly before and now, Ash wants to take Eiji to discover a new sky by letting their bodies do what lovers are meant to do…


	18. I know it would feel like infinity…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That´s the reason they´re now in the middle of the ballroom, all eyes are on them. People is looking at them but as Ash´s emerald green eyes are all on him, Eiji has almost forgotten they´re in a public place.

**I know it would feel like infinity…**

They´re in a big ballroom. Eiji doesn´t have any idea how they have ended up there. He and Ash are wearing expensive, elegant and beautiful black suits. Nobody has to tell Eiji they´re in a luxurious place the same way nobody has to tell him why it has been so easy for them to enter in a place like that: Ash looks like a royal prince and being by his side makes Eiji look like the consort prince of a fairy tale. And so, they´re a couple of princes now.

Sometimes he feels that way next to Ash, as if Ash was capable of creating multiple realities with a look or with an impromptu decision like the one he has made.

“Let´s have dinner in a fancy place” said Ash, “I want to be one of the diners and not the main course for once in my life”.

Eiji could feel the pain and the irony in Ash´s words. Deep in his heart, Eiji knows Ash has a dark pond of grief, ache and regret, things that Ash never mentions. Eiji has also learned that Ash is used to say things without words, he´s a man of action. So, crazy ideas like having fancy dinners are the only way in which Ash can move forward. Eiji thinks that´s the only way in which Ash can really forget and heal the wounds of his past.

That´s the reason they´re now in the middle of the ballroom, all eyes are on them. People is looking at them but as Ash´s emerald green eyes are all on him, Eiji has almost forgotten they´re in a public place.

The big ballroom´s lights shine over Ash´s skin. His presence seems to break the solitude of the place by getting closer to Eiji´s body, he does it slowly and it seems as if he will never arrive to Eiji. But in a second, Ash holds Eiji´s hand and without asking permission, Ash takes Eiji by his waits setting him in that dance position he has been trying to teach him for days. Ash likes dancing, and he would like to dance with Eiji forever.

The last waltz´s notes are playing now. The music collides with the walls and with the boy´s bodies and in a moment, Eiji feels his body moving in the middle of a sweet swaying that´s familiar and easy to follow. Ash is leading him, he´s making him dance but it´s more than dancing: they´re floating, they´re flying.

Eiji wonders if maybe what they are dancing is magic. Maybe said magic comes from Ash´s naughty smile. Eiji wonders how long that magic would last. Would it be forever? Would it be just a moment in time? How many minutes will have to pass until the dance finishes and that moment becomes just another normal moment and the music becomes just music? Eiji doesn´t know, neither does Ash. But when Eiji looks at Ash´s eyes he thinks there must be a place where time fights against the ephemeral and where everything that´s condemned to end would never actually end.

_Infinity,_ now Eiji has a name for the moment that Ash is creating while the music continues playing and Ash´s eyes are still glaring at him. _Infinity._ That must be the name of what he´s feeling for Ash in that very moment…

 

 


	19. I don´t know what else to say but you´re pretty fucking dope…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I´m addicted to you”, says Ash out of a sudden and Eiji interrupts his story abruptly.
> 
> “I have to take you to rehab then”, says Eiji and Ash laughs as he takes Eiji´s hand in his.
> 
> “Don´t dare you, Okumura” says Ash looking fondly into his eyes.

**I don´t know what else to say but you´re pretty fucking dope…**

Ash hates drugs for he has known his whole life they are capable of destroying a man. He has been a direct witness of such destruction. Actually his life was almost destroyed by a chemical substance called banana fish.

Ash has never done drugs voluntarily, not since he noticed you can be controlled by them. Drugs make you lose control, they take away from reality, and they get the best of you and rip it away. Drugs can transform a man into a wild and monstrous beast. And when a man is a beast, they could do anything to feel the high again.

Of course Ash hates drugs but when it comes to Eiji, Ash sometimes feels he´s such a hypocrite because he has discovered you can get addicted not only to a chemical substance.

And in that very moment, Eiji is smiling in front of him. Eiji is telling him about his day as the Japanese boy always does and Ash smiles in return to Eiji´s stories. They seem to be an old married couple but it doesn’t bother Ash at all, he´s immensely happy and he would spend his whole life listening to Eiji. Ash´s heart is divided between the urgency of kissing Eiji and the necessity of continuing to listen to him because it doesn´t matter what Eiji´s mouth is doing, Ash is a hopeless addict to those lips.

Eiji is his drug, he´s completely sure about it. Eiji makes him lose control. Eiji drives him crazy. Eiji takes him away from reality and transforms the whole universe into a hallucination which is more intense because it´s totally real. And actually, Ash has killed for Eiji and would die just to see Eiji smile again and again. Eiji is his personal drug, Eiji has been his only weakness since the very moment they met.

Yes, Eiji makes him feel high most of the time but Ash has also discovered there´s some addictions that instead of leading to destruction, lead you to build. And Eiji is one of those cases because Eiji makes everything better. Eiji is like that pleasuring sensation you get when you drink a glass of the finest and sweetest wine in the world.

“I´m addicted to you”, says Ash out of a sudden and Eiji interrupts his story abruptly.

“I have to take you to rehab then”, says Eiji and Ash laughs as he takes Eiji´s hand in his.

“Don´t dare you, Okumura” says Ash looking fondly into his eyes.

“I won´t, I was just joking. Besides, I think we are two addicts in this house” says Eiji and then he burst into laughter.

“Have you just confessed your deepest love and affection for me? Have you just said you adore me?” says Ash, he´s teasing Eiji as he always does.

“No, I haven’t. I just said I´m addicted to you too. Nobody has mentioned L-O-V-E.”

“You´ve just said it”

“No, it was just an example.”

“You love me. Everybody loves me”

“I´m not everybody”

“No, you´re my Eiji and you love me. I´m the love of your life, aren´t I?”

“You´re the only love I´ve ever had…” says Eiji shyly and Ash thinks that´s been enough teasing for one day.

“You see? I´m the love of your life until now. I´m happy enough with that statement, sir.” Says Ash and Eiji rolls his eyes.

“You´re impossible!” says Eiji and he knows he´ll never defeat Ash in such arguments.

“And you´re so dope. And you love me…” says Ash with such adoration that Eiji blushes hard.

“Maybe, Ash, I love you maybe…”

“Shut up and kiss me, Okumura”, says Ash as he cups Eiji´s face in his hands.

Eiji laughs before kissing Ash and he feels the rush he always feels when Ash´s lips are all on him. Of course he loves Ash but he´ll wait a little bit more to say it out loud and without a maybe…


	20. Look into your eyes butter-butterflies…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Give me a good reason to smile all my life”, says Ash and the boy let his face get closer to Eiji´s face.
> 
> Eiji smiles and then, his lips are touching Ash´s lips. And they kiss, and kiss and they kiss a little bit more.

**Look into your eyes butter-butterflies…**

People used to tell Ash that when you´re in love the person who´s your worshiped object makes you feel like you get all the butterflies in the universe. Ash thinks, now that Eiji is laughing in front of him, that he isn´t getting butterflies: he gets a whole damn zoo whenever Eiji… breaths.

The black haired boy is laughing at the stupid jokes Bones and Kong are telling him. Ash hasn´t noticed that they have become so close. If it wasn´t a war surrounding them, the three boys would look like a fun gang of friends. The three of them are laughing at the top of their lungs and Ash thinks they´re so childish, but of course, they´re still children even if they are children who can kill or do whatever is necessary in order to survive.

Ash smiles at that thought. Sometimes he finds himself surprised when he sees his partners laughing like that. Their laughter is like a strange light in the middle of a full dark world. It´s like a miracle. They´re happy in that instant, of course they are. And maybe happiness is not that happy ending at the end of a story, maybe happiness is a common moment like the one they´re living now. Maybe happiness is forgetting about darkness and shine out with your own light.

Ash sighs and Eiji catches the sound even when he´s surrounded by the noise of Bones and Kong´s voices and laughter. Without waiting, leaving the other two boys in silence, Eiji gets up from the floor and gets closer to Ash whose smile widens as Eiji is getting closer to him.

“You have to smile more” says Eiji and the boy takes him into his arms while Bones and Kong roll their eyes and decide it is time for them to disappear because whenever the boss is close to Eiji, he tends to forget the world and if somebody dares to interrupt such scenes, Ash will attack them with a hit of his legendary fury.

“Really?” asks Ash and his arms are wrapped around Eiji´s waist and Eiji´s dark eyes are staring at him.

“Yeah, I like it when you smile…” says Eiji touching Ash´s lips.

“Give me a good reason to smile all my life”, says Ash and the boy let his face get closer to Eiji´s face.

Eiji smiles and then, his lips are touching Ash´s lips. And they kiss, and kiss and they kiss a little bit more. And Ash is smiling, and the butterflies are flying through his veins, his heart, his body, his very own soul.

“Is that a good reason? Has it been enough?” whispers Eiji over his mouth.

“I think it hasn´t. Let me try again”, says Ash and he kisses Eiji all over again.

And the butterflies- no, the whole damn zoo- are there, they make him forget about darkness. Yes, Eiji´s kisses are a very good reason to smile all through his life but Eiji doesn´t need to know that one of his kisses is enough to make Ash happy forever in that very moment…


	21. Fate somehow brings me hope inside my heart...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I´ll help you defeat your enemies, I´ll do everything for you, Ash. If I have to fly again, I´ll fly. If you have to fall, I´ll catch you in the end. You´ll be Ok, Ash and when everything finishes, I´ll take you to Japan with me and we will live together there. And we will be happy, I promise you that I´ll dedicate my life to make you happy. Believe me, Ash, there´s hope for us.

**Fate somehow brings me hope inside my heart...**

Eiji is sleeping on the green grass while the golden light of the sun is touching his face.

Ash is looking at him, of course.

Sadness is written all on Ash´s lips, he can´t help but feeling blue that afternoon. Because he knows he can´t escape from his fate. He used to believe he was free to choose whatever path he wants, he used to believe —because he´s an idiot even thought his IQ is 180— that he would be free as soon as he run away from Dino Golzine.

But it´s not that easy, he knows it now. Maybe he will never be free because Ash has understood that even if Golzine dies, there will be more enemies, there will be more wars. And that´s sad, so fucking sad as in that very moment, the only thing Ash wants to do is having Eiji by his side forever.

Ash tries to get himself together but sadness is getting the best of him. He would like to cry like a little boy and scream endlessly. He wants to ask life, God or the universe why he has had that hard life of his. He´s tired, he´s exhausted. Ash would like to wrap Eiji into his arms and take him away to another universe, to another life. A life where fear, pain and war don´t exist. A place where loving Eiji and making him happy was his only concern. Yes, he´s a damn emotional mess but he would like to be someone different.

Ash Lynx, the amazing and stunning Ash Lynx wishes to be a man with the right of having hope.

Is in that moment when Eiji´s eyes open slowly and the tears that Ash was holding seem to disappear at the magical awakening of the boy who´s lying in front of him. At first Eiji lets his eyes get used to the shinning golden light and then he wakes up immediately, as a soldier would do when he realizes he´s in the middle of a battle field.

“Eiji, hush…” says Ash and he can´t help but hate himself a little bit more because if Eiji has learnt how to be in permanent alert is because of him.

Ash takes the other boy´s hand and as if the only thing Eiji needs to feel safe and sound was having Ash near him, the Japanese boy smiles and Ash thinks the sun must be envious of the light that´s coming from Eiji´s smile.

“I told you not to let me sleep like that…” says Eiji and his cheeks are all painted red.

“It´s OK, I like watching you…” says Ash.

“Pervert…” says Eiji and the boy notices Ash is not smiling as he always does when he says such things. “Ash… what´s wrong?”

“What do you mean?” says Ash and he needs to hit his head on a tree because Eiji has realized he´s not feeling well.

“You are sad, aren´t you?” says Eiji and the Japanese boy takes him into his arms.

And now the urge of crying is more real than ever. Because Eiji is trying to protect him, because no one but Eiji has ever tried to protect him. And no one but Eiji has ever seen him and Ash realizes that´s the reason why he has fallen so hard for Eiji: because that boy sees him, he sees the real Ash, not the strong and cold Ash but the hurting Ash, the imperfect Ash, the Ash who´s a killer, the one who has a thousand things to be ashamed of.

And Eiji loves all of him, he loves him deeply, unconditionally and that love is like a shelter. And Ash has never been a hopeless romantic but he would like to have a stupid happy ending with Eiji. He would give everything he has just to have the chance of being something permanent in Eiji´s life.

“It´s ok…” says Eiji with a soft whisper, with the same tender voice a mother would use to speak with their beloved child. “Everything´s just going to be fine, I promise. I will defend you no matter what. I know I´m a shitty gunman but I´ll learn. I´ll help you defeat your enemies, I´ll do everything for you, Ash. If I have to fly again, I´ll fly. If you have to fall, I´ll catch you in the end. You´ll be Ok, Ash and when everything finishes, I´ll take you to Japan with me and we will live together there. And we will be happy, I promise you that I´ll dedicate my life to make you happy. Believe me, Ash, there´s hope for us. We´re not doomed to misery. We have hope, Ash, please believe me…”

“I do…” says Ash and he closes his eyes as his arms hold Eiji tighter. “I´ll go with you to Japan even if I am sentenced to eat stinky food with you for the rest of my life.”

Eiji laughs and Ash feels unable to let him go, he doesn´t want to let him go, not now, nor never. The sun is still shining over them. Both of them are still trapped in each other´s embrace. Ash knows Eiji´s promises can be just meaningless words. Nevertheless, Ash decides to believe in those promises with all his heart. Because when Eiji is holding him, he´s just a boy that can have hope.

Eiji sees him that way. For all the world he has been just a precious object to be possessed or a solitary wild beast which is also a destructive weapon.

But in Eiji´s arms he is just Aslan Callenreese, in Eiji´s arms it is amazing to be Aslan Callenreese. And what´s more important: Eiji loves Aslan Callenreese and as long as Eiji loves him that way, there must be a little bit of hope in his cursed fate…

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just too emotional after the new ED. The new AshEiji images at the end of the chapter gave me life and killed me at the same time. I hope you´ve liked this and let me continue crying... *ugly sobbing* T-T


	22. But I´d rather stay on the sofa with you…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to go to the sofa, watch movies and forget the world with you…” says Eiji confidently.  
> “Are we really going to watch the movie this time?” asks Ash remembering the last time they tried to do such things.  
> “Maybe…”

**But I´d rather stay on the sofa with you…**

Eiji´s eyes where set on different images of paper cuts he has got from a magazine.

The Japanese boy is sitting on the floor, in front of a window. The light of the sun comes through and shines on Eiji´s smile. He´s happy. He´s planning a journey with Ash after all.

They had been talking about it for a long time and one day, Ash simply came home with two tickets to Japan. And Eiji couldn´t believe it, he couldn´t believe they are going to Japan and Eiji is so happy and excited because he knows that they may not come back to the USA anymore. They will finally leave a place that´s full of bad memories, full of sadness and darkness.

Eiji feels relieved because even when they have had happy times lately, he´s still afraid of losing Ash because there have been many times in which he has almost lost him. Eiji knows it´s stupid to feel such thing but he would feel better if they ran away of everything. After all, Eiji is an enthusiast of the new beginnings and he thinks he will have a new one next to Ash in another country, in another world far from the big apple and all its rotten memories.

That´s the reason he´s looking for the best places to take Ash sightseeing when they arrive to Japan. Of course, the famous streets of Tokyo are on the list but maybe Ash would like to go to less crowded places. It´s such a pity that it isn’t spring because if it were, Eiji would take Ash to watch the cherry trees blooming. Maybe he might take him to all the summer festivals, Ash is not much of a spiritual person because he´s a science man after all but who knows. Maybe Ash would like it. Maybe Eiji would teach him something about that easy, peaceful and quiet world he had lived in before meeting Ash.

“What are you doing?” says a voice behind him and Eiji smiles as Ash wraps him in his arms and his blonde hair tickles on his cheek.

“I´m just…” says Eiji not knowing what exactly he´s doing.

“Are you planning our first date in Japan?” says Ash with a happy voice that melts Eiji´s heart.

“Kind of…” answers Eiji with his cheeks blushed.

“You don´t need to plan anything”, says Ash kissing Eiji´s forehead. “I would happily go wherever you want to go. Your word is my command, sir.”

“Am I the boss of the gang now?” asks Eiji and Ash burst into laughter at that idea.

“If you mean _me_ when you say _gang_ , yes you´re the absolute boss here, so… what do you want to do now, boss? Do you want to go to Japan right away?”

Eiji laughs and turns around into Ash arms until his eyes are staring into Ash´s eyes. And they get lost in each other´s gaze. And suddenly Eiji discovers that´s not about the place. Eiji realizes that every place in the world is a worth living place if Ash is there with him. The USA, Japan, the leather sofa in the middle of the room: all those places are fine to spend his life with Ash by his side.

“I want to go to the sofa, watch movies and forget the world with you…” says Eiji confidently.

“Are we really going to watch the movie this time?” asks Ash remembering the last time they tried to do such things.

“Maybe…” says Eiji and both of them start laughing again before getting up from the floor and when Ash takes his hand again, the Japanese boy knows that Ash makes any place his home.

 


	23. You are my earth, air, water, fire…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji´s actually more than a single element to him and Ash is happy to have reached such conclusion as Eiji´s arms tighten their embrace. Eiji´s his earth, his air, his water, his fire. Eiji is everything to him…

**You are my earth, air, water, fire…**

The scream sounds in the middle of the room. As of lately, Ash feels the fear pounding in his heart, the embarrassment comes next. He´s ashamed of being so weak in his dreams. He knows he´s sweating and he starts shaking. He also feels the cold that always follows the nightmare. Even when he knows exactly where he is in that very moment he feels lost and terrified.

“It´s OK”, says a voice in the dark as a pair of arms wrap around his shaking body. “I´ve got you, you´re with me, you´re OK, Ash…”

In that minute, Ash opens his eyes and when he sees Eiji´s smile in front of him the green-eyed boy is sure he´s safe and sound. He was having a nightmare, it was just a stupid and scary dream.  Eiji´s arms are strong and warm. They feel like landing on earth after having been free falling.

Yeah, Eiji´s like a safe land to be on.

“Breathe deeply, Ash”, says Eiji and the blonde feels how his lungs accept the air in them at lasts, as if they were following Eiji´s order, as if no part of his body would refuse to obey Eiji´s commands.

Or maybe Eiji´s the air itself. Maybe Eiji is like a soft breeze which takes fear apart and makes breathe easy again. Eiji´s like a playful wind that reminds Ash of that summer they spent together in Cape Cod.

At that thought, at the memory of happy days, Ash feels his heart breaks down and the stupid tears start falling down his face. He hates crying and he´s afraid Eiji has seen more crying episodes than most people in the world would ever see. Eiji´s not afraid of tears. Eiji knows how to be there without saying stupid things like: _“please, don´t cry”_ or _“come on Ash, you don´t have a real reason to cry”_. No, Eiji stays there by his side and his lips kiss his tears, the humidity of his tears is soon replaced by the humidity of Eiji’s mouth. And that´s great, because he knows only Eiji´s love can transform pain into love. Eiji takes the water in his cheeks and he makes them less painful.

Eiji´s like water too. He flows in and floods Ash heart. Eiji is like a cold glass of water after a long walk under the sun.

“Are you cold? You´re trembling…” says Eiji as he covers them in a soft warm blanket. “I´m here, Ash. No dream could make you bad as long as I´m here…”

“You´re showing off, big brother” says Ash jokingly and Eiji laughs, he feels relieved to listen to Ash making jokes.

“Leave me alone, Lynx” says Eiji while his fingers play with Ash golden hair. “This is the only way in which I can protect you after all….”

“No, you´re wrong”, says Ash holding Eiji´s hand strongly. “You have always protected me in many ways, in ways I didn´t know I need to be protected. You are so important to me, Eiji.”

“I love you too…” says Eiji and Ash smiles because whenever he listens to these words slipping out Eiji’s mouth he feels an invincible sun rising inside his heart.

Those words are fire. They´re like a flame that warms up and illuminates everything is inside of him. Eiji´s fire too.

Eiji´s actually more than a single element to him and Ash is happy to have reached such conclusion as Eiji´s arms tighten their embrace. Eiji´s his earth, his air, his water, his fire. Eiji is everything to him…

 

 


	24. Eyes the color of the sun...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m talking about your eyes, not the world outside. “ Says Eiji seriously and Ash’s cheeks blush. “I’m talking about my world. Your eyes are the color of the sun. There’s where my summer is…

**Eyes the color of the sun…**

Whenever Ash opens his eyes, it is like seeing the sunrise.

It is his name after all. The dawn which shines upon jade. The dawn which defeats darkness. The dawn which brings the world to life again.

It is like a miracle to see Ash’s awakening. Eiji has always felt mesmerized to see such spectacle. It is something magical about the way Ash’s eyes open. It is a slow motion, it is like the waves crashing the shore. Ash´s eyelids go up the way a curtain in theater would do: slowly, letting see the spectators just a bit of the scenery where a dream will be performed. And then, when those eyes are wide open you could see an emerald green paradise and it leads you to the thought that those eyes are the color of the infinite. Something as infinite as the sun.

Eiji smiles and Ash does the same. Ash was having the most marvelous dream before opening his eyes and that same dream is in front of him smiling back at him. Ash feels like laughing. There are certain moments in life which are more perfect than perfection and waking up with Eiji by his side is one of those moments.

“It’ll be a sunny day”, says Eiji with a soft whisper and Ash thinks Eiji would make an awful forecaster. It has been snowing the whole week.

“You’re crazy” says Ash, and takes Eiji’s hand in his.

“Yes, we’ll have a sunny day today. It will be warm and cloudless. It will be like summer again. “

“Are you still asleep, Eiji? “, asks Ash and he starts feeling worried. “It’s actually winter and truth be told, our asses are going to freeze if we dare ourselves to go out of this room. “

“I’m talking about your eyes, not the world outside. “ Says Eiji seriously and Ash’s cheeks blush. “I’m talking about my world. Your eyes are the color of the sun. There’s where my summer is… “

“Eiji… “                                                                                               

That’s the only thing Ash is able to say. He would like to recite poetry too but he knows a kiss could say it better. So he kisses Eiji like the sun kisses the Earth on a warm day. Ash kisses Eiji passionately, infinitely, deeply. Ash kisses Eiji as if he was looking for a summer in Eiji’s lips as well…


	25. The world falls away and it is only us...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you doing something magnificent with your life, Eiji?” asks Ash and Eiji gets closer to him.  
> “Of course, I am” says Eiji, he´s whispering the words over Ash´s lips, “I have the love of my live with me, if it´s not magnificent, I don´t know what else could be…”

**The world falls away and it´s only us…**

It is said when you´re with a person you love, the world around you tends to disappear. Ash has always believed those hopelessly romantic statements were no more than a quotation you would find inside a cheap Valentine´s card.

However, now that he´s surrounded by a crowd of noisy and cheerful Japanese people who´s there meeting in a public park just to sit under the colorful branches of a cherry tree, Ash feels that the image of Eiji smiling as the boy gets lost in the contemplation of the sakura flowers, is the only world that exists.

Of course, Eiji´s soft and sweet smiles has always made him feel at home but in that very moment is as if Eiji was creating a whole new world just for them. The noises that come from the others seem to vanish and all that matters is Eiji, and Ash feels like the luckiest man in the whole damn universe. Eiji´s there with him, he´s there with Eiji and only Eiji.

“Do you know why we value this flowers so much?” asks Eiji and Ash smiles at the sound of his voice as usual.

“Because it gives you an excuse to have a day off, doesn´t it?” Ash teases and Eiji laughs without taking his eyes off of the cherry flowers.

“I don´t care if you have a 200 IQ, sometimes you´re such a fool, Ash” answers Eiji and his dark eyes set on Ash finally and the blond boy feels that the sense of being the only two men ever existent in the planet intensifies when the bright doe eyes of Eiji are on him.

“Then, if you please illustrate me, big brother, I´d really appreciate it. Why do you care a lot about some cherry flowers and make such a big deal of them?”

“Because they are like our lives, Ash” says Eiji using a serious and mature voice that contrasts with his childish looks. “They are just a moment of burning beauty, they´re not going to be here for long and even though we know that, we don´t think about the end, we enjoy it meanwhile they are here. These flowers remind us of our own finitude, it´s as if they say, hey, you´re here briefly, why don´t you do something magnificent with your life too?”

Ash smiles and takes Eiji´s hand into his. Sometimes Eiji says beautiful things and Ash knows he´s not aware of it. And in that moment he feels he has just fallen in love all over again with Eiji. That boy is so precious and even Eiji doesn´t know how much precious he is.  

“Are you doing something magnificent with your life, Eiji?” asks Ash and Eiji gets closer to him.

“Of course, I am” says Eiji, he´s whispering the words over Ash´s lips, “I have the love of my live with me, if it´s not magnificent, I don´t know what else could be…”

Ash smiles so wide he thinks his lips are not enough to express the happiness he´s feeling in that very moment. Eiji kiss him and Ash lets the world disappear again. And the world falls away and there´s only them. They know, there will be only them from now on…

 

 


	26. I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know…” says Eiji and he laughs funnily as a result of Ash´s statement. “I just… I missed you.”  
> “I´m away from you for ten minutes and you get to miss me, what a record!” says Ash and he takes Eiji into his arms. “I´m so irresistible, aren´t I”.

  **I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day** …

The silence in the room feels strange after all the noise it was there hours ago.

Eiji is cleaning up the rests of the New Year´s eve party Ash and he threw for all their friends. Eiji smiles as he´s remembering the joy they have shared with all the people they love. Everybody ate and drank; everybody made that ridiculous counting till midnight that Eiji couldn´t understand at first.

Yes, Eiji knows about the magic that the new beginnings bring to the soul. It is as if for ten seconds one could be allowed to hope for good things only. Maybe that counting makes you believe that everything´s possible, that you have a new opportunity. All starts and all has an ending in this world. Wipe the slate clean, you can start over. You can be better than you were ten seconds ago if that´s what you wished for.

Eiji smiles, he can´t help but smiling. The silence which has been surrounding him seems to be over when the sound of late fireworks exploding in the sky makes him walk towards the balcony and Eiji´s not surprised to find Ash there. The blond boy is looking at the colors in the sky. Eiji stays there for a minute, he´s captivated by the light which is reflecting on Ash´s skin. The fireworks are beautiful of course, but they can´t compete against Ash´s stunning beauty.

Ash is smiling too, it´s a peaceful smile. Ash is happy and Eiji can feel it. His soul is connected to Ash´s soul and in that moment that bond is so real that he can fell his heart pounding at the same time of Ash´s. If Ash is happy, Eiji can feel the same way.

Eiji smiles again and walks until he´s next to Ash and grabs his hand softly, without saying a word. The fireworks, the last fireworks of the night light up the sky. It´s a freezing cold night but Ash´s hand is warm and soft and Eiji doesn´t mind to be outside with him.

“Are you checking on me, big brother?” asks Ash with a playful smile. “I´m not running away from your obsessive cleaning chores, I swear.”

“I know…” says Eiji and he laughs funnily as a result of Ash´s statement. “I just… I missed you.”

“I´m away from you for ten minutes and you get to miss me, what a record!” says Ash and he takes Eiji into his arms. “I´m so irresistible, aren´t I”.

“Yes, you are… Ash…”

“What´s up, Eiji? Everything´s fine, you don´t have to be afraid to lose me anymore. What´s happening in that beautiful mind of yours?”

“Stay with me forever”, says Eiji and Ash smiles because Eiji loves hearing those same words in his voice. "Please, let´s have more New Year´s days together. Please don´t go, please…”

“I´m not going anywhere. I´ll be with you forever” Says Ash looking directly into Eiji´s eyes. “We´ll be together, we´ll throw more parties and at the end of everything I´ll be cleaning the mess with you because that´s what we do: we are better together, you and I, Ash and Eiji against the world. Is that fine for you?”

Eiji smiles and kisses Ash´s lips softly as his answer. Ash smiles too. He´s happy but not because of the New Year, it isn’t relevant. He´s happy because he has Eiji there to celebrate his life. Eiji is actually, the only new beginning he´s interested in that night.

“Happy new year, Ash”, says Eiji without letting Ash go.

“Happy new year, Eiji” says Ash happily.

Ash and Eiji smile and the world remains silent around them. Eiji has forgotten about the cleaning and also about the fear. Ash is there with him. Ash is not going anywhere and as Ash is there with him, the years can come and go but Ash is not going. They will be together for a long time. They will say goodbye to many years yet to come but they will never say goodbye to each other…

 


	27. The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because the real luxury for Aslan Jade Callenreese is to actually have a life to live next to Eiji Okumura.

**The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury…**

Ash has known what real wealth is most of his life. He has been called the prince of darkness before and he still feels uncomfortable when somebody reminds him that he could have been the owner of the whole world if he had surrendered his life to Dino Golzine.

Yes, he still has the money he stole from the Corse Union in a safe bank account and he is going to do something great with it one day but money has never been a big deal for Ash because, unlike other people, he knows that money is just money: it comes and it goes but what makes life worth living that’s something you’d never find in a shop. Ash knows you can´t find happiness in any object it doesn´t matter if it’s a luxury.

Because the real luxury for Aslan Jade Callenreese is to actually have a life to live next to Eiji Okumura.

Ash smiles and sighs when he sees Eiji running towards him. The Japanese boy is wearing that kind of smile on his lips that makes Ash lose his breath. Eiji looks happy and Ash knows deep down his heart that he’s all the happiness hidden behind that smile. A smile that could be valued in billions of dollars and maybe one thousand diamonds. Eiji’s smile is like a treasure, Eiji himself is a treasure and Ash is tempted to claim the world he’s the richest man in the universe. Eiji’s his. He’s Eiji’s. What else in the world could he ask for? Who needs to be the prince of darkness if he´s already the king of Eiji´s heart? 

“Sorry I make you wait, Ash “says Eiji and Ash can’t resist more. He kisses Eiji and yes, there it is:  the taste on Eiji’s lips is all the luxury he would ever wish for.

“I’d wait for you forever “says Ash and Eiji looks at him without being able to understand any of Ash’s words at first for he has been dazzled with the intensity of Ash’s lips over his mouth.

“Well, you don’t have to wait anymore. I’m here” says Eiji and Ash feels like dancing and shouting because that´s absolutely true: Eiji´s there, he doesn´t have to wait anymore to feel love. Eiji is there with him, Eiji is all the wealth he has always waited for.  

He wants the world to know how rich he is, Ash thinks everybody would be envious. Eiji’s there with him. He’s richer than everyone else for he has a love that’s been made just for him…

 


	28. They don´t know how special you are, they don´t know what you´ve done to my heart…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Ash´s eyes Eiji is beautiful, he´s worth it, he´s someone he didn´t know he could be…

**They don´t know how special you are, they don´t know what you´ve done to my heart…**

_Why do you care about him that much?  He doesn´t care about anybody._

_Why do you insist on protect him? Ash is perfectly capable of protect himself, he doesn´t need any help._

_Why do you want to stay by his side? For him you´re not more than a burden. For him you´re useless. That´s what you are for him, you know he would be better off without you._

Eiji sighs as those rough thoughts are burning his heart out. He´s looking out the window while Ash is talking on the phone with someone Eiji doesn´t know. Eiji is feeling sad and blue and that´s so stupid because he knows Ash is happy to have him by his side.

Truth be told, he feels like a fool for thinking such things, he has thought the opinion of other people would never change his mind about staying there with Ash. But sometimes he gets insecure, he gets weak. Because he knows some of Ash´s friends don´t like him. Eiji has heard some of them saying that they don´t understand why Ash is so fond of him. And of course, Eiji doesn´t get it as well. Why is he important to Ash? Why is he important for a beautiful and strong man who has never needed somebody?

The deep sigh appears again and by this moment, Ash is sitting on front of him. Eiji looks at his green eyes and he asks what Ash can see in him. Ash´s eyes are like a mirror made of the finest emerald in the world and the reflection of Eiji is clear on them. And what Eiji sees makes him feel so stupid and useless. He´s so common, he´s not handsome, there´s nothing extraordinary in him, he´s not worth it. He´s like all the people claims him to be: just a child, just an annoying child that ruins everything.

“Stop it, big brother”, says Ash and Eiji feels like crying when Ash takes his hand in his softly.

“What?”

“I´m asking you to stop whatever stupid thing you´re thinking about. I hate it when you are not smiling, I hate it when I make you sad…”

“You´re not making me sad, Ash”

“You´re like an open book to me, Eiji” says Ash with a patient smile that makes Eiji´s heart flutter. “And that´s a compliment because I don´t read books that are not appealing to me. I have a very strict taste when it comes to literature and you… you are my favorite book but you´re more than a book. You´re my own story, the story I´m writing with you, the story I don´t have to share with somebody else. So, I know when you´re sad and right now, you are more than sad.”

“I´m not sad…” says Eiji and he can´t help but looking at his feet. Ash´s words would have been a comfort for him but they weren´t.

“You listened to what Cain said, didn´t you?” says Ash and the green-eyed boy takes Eiji’s chin in his fingers making the Japanese boy look at him.

“It´s not only about what Cain said, everybody says the same. Maybe they´re right, Ash. Maybe I´m not good enough for you.”

“Eiji, I don´t care what people say and you would do as I do” says Ash firmly. “They don´t know anything about me nor you. They don´t know what we have and they never will. People love speaking about the things they don´t understand because it gives them the illusion of having power on other´s lives. They don’t know why I love you, they don’t know that you´re the only person who really cares about me. And I don´t want them to know. This, what we have is only ours and if people don´t understand they can fuck themselves and I´m going to kill anybody who dares to mess up with you because…”

Ash´s words stop when Eiji gets up and wraps his arms around Ash. Yes, his words were beautiful, Ash actions towards him are always kind of marvelous. But there were more than beautiful words for him: it was the way his reflection changed on Ash´s eyes as he was taking, it was about the way Ash´s glare transform him into something different.

 On Ash´s eyes Eiji is beautiful, he´s worth it, he´s someone he didn´t know he could be…

 

 

 

 


	29. (∂ + m) ψ = 0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That´s what you and me will be, you see? Nobody will never tear us apart. We are one, Eiji Okumura, we´ll always be one.”

**(∂ + m) ψ = 0**

It is a new thing of them.

Ash would leave a note on the fridge so Eiji could read it when he leaves. It all started because Eiji got so worried whenever Ash goes outside and the green-eyed boy thought it´s normal as his and Eiji´s heart are still filled with a lot of scars and bad memories to heal. But Ash has never stand the idea of Eiji feeling fear, so he decided he would leave him a note so Eiji always know where he is.

At the very beginning they were the typical messages you leave in a hurry: “I´ll be back in 5, don´t worry” or “Out with Sing, we have to check on something” but recently, Ash would leave him a message which makes Eiji smile or blush depending on the content of said note. Eiji still remembers the first time he saw a note which content were just 4 characters: I <3 U. That was enough to make him smile all day long.

But todays note is different and Eiji has been in front of the fridge for more than twenty minutes in a row. The characters written on the note are strange: (∂ + m) ψ = 0.

Eiji knows they´re kind of a mathematical equation. Eiji guesses Ash has no problem understanding those characters but Eiji feels confused and useless until he remembers there´s something called Internet and that you can use it to find whatever you want in there.

Taking the note with him, Eiji walks towards the computer and he feels his heart pounding at the sight of another note that says: “you´re not going to do this the easy way, big brother. Go to the public library, I´ll see you there”.

Eiji smiles. Ash has planned all that treasure hunt for him and it´s kind of warm, romantic, crazy and beautiful. Because he knows Ash wants to share his whole world with him, even when such world is full of things Eiji doesn´t understand at first. There´s no problem in knowing Ash is far more intelligent than him, because that means Ash is going to teach him something new every day the same way he has taught him how it is to be deeply loved.

The Japanese boy smiles and without waiting more he runs towards the place Ash has asked him to go and when he arrives there, he´s not surprised to see Ash sitting in front of his usual desk. He´s of course, surrounded by books and he looks so peaceful and happy that at first Eiji doesn´t want to interrupt him. Ash so beautiful, so intelligent, so perfect. In moments like that Eiji wonders seriously what Ash has seen in him that´s worth being by his side.

Eiji walks slowly and he puts his right hand on Ash shoulder and he´s not shocked to see Ash is not surprised nor afraid with the contact. Eiji could tell Ash has noticed his presence the same very moment he get in the room.

“You arrived early”, says Ash and his green eyes look at Eiji and the boy smiles immediately. “You look so handsome after having a little jogging, big brother”.

“Stop it”, says Eiji with a big bright smile that makes Ash confirm his late statement: Eiji is damn handsome all the time.

“OK, but it doesn´t makes you less handsome.”

“Stop flirting and explain me, professor Callenreese.” Says Eiji and he sits next to Ash, as he puts his note on the book Ash has been reading.

“Well, I´m glad you attend today´s lesson” says Ash and a soft smile appears on his lips. “You see, I found this days ago. I just wanted to tell you right away but the house is sometimes full of people and truth be told, I felt a little bit ashamed of myself for having this kind of cheesy thoughts and…”

“What´s the matter, Ash?” asks Eiji again and Ash´s green eyes become deeper, full of emotion and Eiji starts feeling a little nervous.

“This is a physics equation, the Dirac equation.” Says Ash and Eiji notices the boy cheeks are blushed. “The real meaning of the formula is more complex than what I´m going to say but long story short, it says that if two systems interact with each other for a certain period of time and then, are separated, they can no longer be described as two separated systems, but somehow, they become a single system. In other words what happens to one of them continues to influence each other even if distant miles or light years are between them.”

“Two systems…” says Eiji and suddenly the words Ash has said make his heart melt. “So, they are never going to be separated, they are connected soul to soul.”

“Exactly…” says Ash and he takes Eiji´s hand in his and leaves a soft kiss on Eiji´s fingers. “That´s what you and me will be, you see? Nobody will never tear us apart. We are one, Eiji Okumura, we´ll always be one.”

Eiji smiles and he kisses Ash on the lips. It doesn´t matter they are in a public library, Ash is friends with the librarian so the Japanese boy is sure he´s not going to get mad. After all, they are just a couple of boys kissing softly. They are two boys who are feeling their bond of love growing stronger inside of them. They are two boys who are madly in love and whose love is one of those attachments that the universe will never destroy and physics support that thesis…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don´t know anything about physics. I just found a publication which says this was the most beautiiful equation in the world because it can be used to explain love too and well, I couldn´t help but writing this. I hope you enjoyed it :3


	30. You taught me the courage of the stars...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We´ll have and end too, I know that. But until that day comes, we´ll be glowing, we´ll ignite everything around us. We are stars too, Ash. We are made with the same stuff stars are made of, aren´t we?

**You taught me the courage of the stars…**

  
The clear summer night sky is covering them. Both boys remain silent as they let their eyes wander through the starry night. Ash finds it relaxing to know he’s so little in an enormous universe. It’s almost as his life was meaningless and that thought makes him feel calm. In the order of the stars, he’s not more than a tiny particle, a light that in no time would be turned off.

  
Yes, it is sad to know it, to know not even the stars will last forever but at the same time, it´s also comforting.

  
“Do you know what happens when a star dies?” asks Ash and Eiji looks at him reverently.

  
Before Ash started talking, he had been looking at the stars too but not the ones above. Eiji was looking at the stars which were reflected on Ash’s eyes. Eiji thinks Ash’s eyes are way more beautiful than all the stars in the universe. Maybe Ash is the only star in Eiji’s universe. And in this very moment he can say his star is kind of sad. Ash has that kind of look in his eyes that’s fully melancholic. Eiji negates with a nod in order to answer Ash´s late question and Ash smiles sadly as he takes Eiji’s hands in his.

  
“Some of the lights you´re looking at now are dying stars. They tend to be brighter when they are running out of fuel. It´s kind of beautiful, don´t you think? The death of a star is marvelous to us, it´s all light and brilliance for the ones who are watching. And even when they die, their light continues reaching to us. It takes courage, don´t you think? It takes courage to know you´re finite and continue existing after all…”

  
“They are like us, then” says Eiji and Ash smiles softly because he knows he can talk about stars to Eiji and he will never make him feel as if it doesn´t matter.

Eiji listens, Eiji understands. Eiji knows that when Ash talks about stars he´s actually talking about himself and all those thing he can´t say directly, for example, all the fear he still has in his heart when he thinks he would die one day, that he would leave Eiji when it happens.

  
“How come? How can we be like stars?” asks Ash.

  
“We´ll have and end too, I know that. But until that day comes, we´ll be glowing, we´ll ignite everything around us. We are stars too, Ash. We are made with the same stuff stars are made of, aren´t we? So, when our fuel runs out, we´ll leave this universe with no regrets and maybe we´ll be stars again, that´s what some stars do, don´t they? They explode and then, a new star is born…”

  
Ash smiles. Eiji doesn´t know how beautiful he is in that moment as he talks with that voice full of certainty, full of warm. Ash knows Eiji has said those things because he believes them with all his heart. And that´s beautiful, Eiji´s soul is a universe of light. Ash sighs and decides to believe in what Eiji believes too. Nobody will separate them and if they have to leave one day, Ash knows he´ll have the courage to search the universe until he finds Eiji again…


	31. Give me some wings I´ll fly...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I´ll always protect you no matter what, Eiji”, Ash whispers quietly, he doesn´t want to wake up Eiji. “You will always have a safe sky for you to fly and if I´m lucky enough, you´ll be flying with me…”

**Give some wings I´ll fly…**

There have been a lot of moments when Eiji has made Ash feel like he´s flying.

The first time it happened, was when Eiji flew in front of him. Maybe it was the way Eiji´s body was fighting against gravity but in that moment, Ash felt envious nevertheless in a way, he felt free too. Because he was saved by a boy who knew how to fly. Because that boy was the owner of a pair of wings and Ash has never seen something as beautiful as it was. For Ash, Eiji looked like a proud bird, a bird who wasn´t afraid of falling, a bird who was confident in who he was. Eiji was beautiful as he was free falling and Ash thinks Eiji captured his heart in that very minute because nobody else has ever done such thing for him, not without waiting for something in return. And that flying boy was the first to save him without asking him. Ash thinks his heart woke up to beat for Eiji since that exact moment.

The boy smiles as he remembers that moment at the time more of those memories start parading inside his mind. Yes, he fell for Eiji as the Japanese boy was falling through the air but it was not the only minute Eiji has taken him flying with him. Ash remembers the first kiss and all the thousand kisses they have had until now; the memories of lazy afternoons in each other´s arms that are also like soaring in a calm sky. Ash smiles while he remembers the wild emotion he felt when he found himself again in Eiji´s arms against all odds. Whenever Eiji holds him it is like being held by the wings of an angel, an angel who can fly away with him.

Ash Lynx sighs and feels a little bit embarrassed for he has become the cheesiest guy in the world. He is sure that if his gang found out the kind of thoughts Eiji brings to his mind, they would laugh endlessly and they would make fun out of him till the end of times. But it doesn´t matter because Eiji is sleeping right there in his arms and Ash is holding him close, he´s caressing the boy´s face softly and Ash is happy because Eiji is safe, he´s exactly where he has to be.

Ash´s emerald green eyes are sparkling and his heart is burning with love. He loves Eiji, he would live forever if it means he would be able to live next to Eiji.

“I´ll always protect you no matter what, Eiji”, Ash whispers quietly, he doesn´t want to wake up Eiji. “You will always have a safe sky for you to fly and if I´m lucky enough, you´ll be flying with me…”

Ash smiles again and suddenly he remembers what he read years ago, it was in one of Plato´s dialogues which said that when the lover contemplates the beloved and his beauty, the lover´s soul remembers what is the true divine beauty so that his soul acquires wings.

 And in that moment Ash´s soul is flying with his own wings too. Maybe Eiji is a glimpse of that paradise lost he has forgotten, a paradise he could always find in Eiji´s beauty or just by holding his beloved tightly in his arms…


	32. Flowers blooming everywhere you touch me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... let my hands and lips be your spring. Let me make you bloom and let me plant beautiful flowers there where once you only had wounds, scars and pain.

**Flowers blooming everywhere you touch me…**

Eiji´s hands are like a warm wave of heat.

That’s what Ash is thinking that lazy afternoon. He and Eiji are laying on the floor, both of them are close to each other, Ash is holding Eiji by the Japanese boy´s waist. Eiji is smiling as he touches Ash´s back softly and the blond boy is lost in all those shapes Eiji´s drawing on him. Yes, Eiji is like a painter who´s making a garden grow on his body with every single touch Eiji leaves there.

Ash smiles and a soft moaning escapes from his mouth when Eiji smiles playfully before the Japanese boy touches his bare skin underneath his clothes. Whenever he´s skin to skin with Eiji, Ash feels an electrifying stream down his spine. It is as if Eiji´s hands were creating him again because Ash feels reinvented, renewed and reborn with Eiji´s touch.

Yes, Ash thinks meanwhile Eiji´s lips are kissing the sensitive skin on his neck, Eiji´s also like a God which is not strange since his birth place is called Izumo which literally means “the land of Gods”. Maybe Eiji is a gift from all those hundreds of Japanese divinities because the touch of his hands has the power of a divine command which claims: _let my hands and lips be your spring. Let me make you bloom and let me plant beautiful flowers there where once you only had wounds, scars and pain._

Ash sighs and Eiji catches the air which escapes from Ash mouth in a slow deep kiss whose light shines through Ash´s body and soul. Eiji is made of light. Eiji is the cause of Ash´s spring.

“You know I love you, don´t you?” says Eiji after stopping their kiss, he is looking fondly at Ash´s green eyes now, he has said the words with that kind of intimate voice only lovers know.

“I know…” says Ash happily because he is sure of that. The world outside is always changing but Eiji´s love is the only certainty he has, that´s the only thing he will always be sure of. “I love you too, you will never know how much.”

“Of course I know…” says Eiji.

And without saying more words, words that are redundant if they repeat them a lot, Eiji starts touching him again. Ash let his heart and body surrender to what Eiji causes him. Because in Eiji´s hands his hurt body becomes a garden made of colorful flowers and light and Ash thinks it is that way because only one person who loves you entirely, only the person who´s able to love your scarred soul is able to bring you spring although you have thought you were made of the loneliest winter before you finally met him.

And Eiji Okumura is that person for him, Eiji is actually more than that for him.

 

 


	33. To love is not to look at one another, it is to look, together, in the same direction…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I´m ready, Eiji…” says Ash firmly. “I have always been ready to have the life I want with you.”

**To love is not to look at one another, it is to look, together, in the same direction…**

“Are you ready?” asks Eiji with a happy voice.

Ash looks at him and he sees hope, enchantment, and absolute happiness.

They are finally in Japan, they are about to go outside the airport and take a taxi in order to get to Eiji´s home and meet Eiji´s family. The Japanese boy has told him they are waiting for them and Ash is starting feeling anxious for he has never had that kind of meet-the-parents-of-your-boyfriend experience before.

Truth be told, Ash Lynx is completely afraid but he´s not ready to admit that to Eiji, he has even had trouble admitting such thing to himself. It is impossible to him to accept the fact that the terrifying Ash Lynx, the great leader of New York´s gangs, the boy who defeated all his enemies and overcame more bullshit than most people would ever face, is afraid of meeting the family of that smiling boy who´s looking at him with a big love glowing in his dark eyes.

Ash sighs and tries to get himself together. Maybe his fear is deeper than he has thought. In fact he´s afraid of having that opportunity a new opportunity that before meeting Eiji was nearly impossible.

Can he really start over? Can he heal all these bad things that will always be a part of him? Will he be able to forgive himself and forgive all the people who hurt him? Will Eiji be with him through all of that even when it will be a hell of a long path?

Yes, he´s afraid of happiness. He´s afraid of having the chance to be whoever he wants to be because even when you have wished for freedom your whole life, when you finally get it, you find it intimidating, frightening and asphyxiating. Ash has got used to tragedy, he´s used to let it go and lose everything.

But there he is, in a different country with Eiji by his side. Eiji is there with him and he seems to have everything he has dreamed of, what it is not enough?

“I´m not going to tell you don´t need to be afraid because I know how it is to be away from what you have known your entire life…” says Eiji and his smile isn´t less brilliant.

He´s trying to comfort Ash and the blond thinks he has been caught red handed thinking on those stupid things that have been haunting his mind for the last days, of course Eiji can read his mind that easy.

“Eiji, I´m not…”

“Yes, you are but it is fine. It´s normal, you know?” says Eiji and the boy takes Ash´s hand gently. “I know this is different but we´re walking the same road now. I know we´ll have a lot of things to work on, we need to rest and we need to heal. And it is frightening, isn´t it? Nevertheless, even if we have to take a different path in order for us to find what we want again, we´re looking at the same direction. We are together, Ash, that’s not enough, of course, but we will find our way so… are you ready to walk that path with me?”

Ash smiles. Eiji is brave and so is him. And all the courage that´s burning in Eiji´s eyes eases Ash soul. Whenever he looks at Eiji, he finds courage inside his heart too. And that´s what matters because Eiji makes him stronger just by looking at him. He loves Eiji, he can confirm that whenever he sees Eiji but to love doesn´t mean looking at your special one and get lost, no: to love is looking at the same direction and walking hand in hand to the place where you can build a whole new world for both of you.

“I´m ready, Eiji…” says Ash firmly. “I have always been ready to have the life I want with you.”

 


	34. You’re the sunlight that keeps my heart going…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know you have already listened to this a million times before but you’re so beautiful, brilliant, strong and invincible… you’re like the sun, Ash.”

**You’re the sunlight that keeps my heart going** …

There is something Ash has always loved about New York: the sunset.

For him it’s delightful to see the sunlight glowing on the gray buildings. It’s like the concrete comes alive with the light. It’s like burning life coming from an impossible place. It’s miraculous. In that mysterious moment when the sun let darkness take over the city, that’s the exact instant when the sun seems to be more brilliant.

The sun looks invincible just a moment before it has to surrender to the night.

Ash smiles as the sun continues his journey to the west. He likes the sunset for he has always been afraid of the absence of light. Yes, it all started that Halloween´s night when he got lost and trapped in a lonely forest but his fear just keep on growing with him due the fact that awful things always happened to him at night: the fancy dinners where he was abused by terrible monsters who pretend to be good people in the day but became a nightmare for him and other children at night. With the obscurity also came the monsters and Ash thinks that’s why he has always been afraid of it or perhaps it’s simply because darkness has always been inside himself.

“I really like how it looks”, says a soft voice which stops Ash from having that kind of thoughts, the thoughts that always hurt him.

“It’s one of the few things that are worth it to see in New York”, says Ash and he feels a little bit better just by having the warmth of Eiji’s presence next to him.

“The sun that defeats darkness”, says Eiji looking at the sunset for some seconds just before he stares to Ash. “It’s like your name, Aslan. You’re like the sun too.”

“Really?” asks Ash feeling caught in the tenderness and love that Eiji’s words have caused him.

“I know you have already listened to this a million times before but you’re so beautiful, brilliant, strong and invincible… you’re like the sun, Ash.”

Ash smiles again and wraps his arms around Eiji who smiles fondly and holds Ash tight as well. Ash sighs and lets all the bad thoughts get lost in his mind, he doesn’t care about his dark past right now. Because Eiji is there, Eiji lights up the world around him. Ash knows he doesn’t have to be afraid of the night anymore because the light that comes from Eiji is enough to summon an endless day full of light for him.

“If there’s a sun here that’s you, Eiji. You’re the only sun I need”, whispers Ash and the boy knows he has spoken honestly and hopelessly devoted to the existence of Eiji Okumura who has always saved his heart from darkness in the right time at the right moment since the first time he saw him…


	35. When I look at you I see colors...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the colors are there again: they sing through his veins, they burst on Eiji´s warm lips, they color them like a rainbow whose origin is in his intertwined fingers and in the warmth that radiates from their close bodies.

**When I look at you I see colors…**

Black.

That´s the color which has always painted Ash´s path. That´s the color where all his fears came from: the color of the night, the color of blindness, the color of the blood when it dries over your skin when a wound stops bleeding.

Black was the color Ash hated the most, he also knows black is not a color properly but the absence of it. Ash has thought that all his life would be painted black but in that very moment Eiji´s dark eyes, the eyes that are staring at him reverently and lovingly, are making Ash think that maybe black is not so bad after all and when Eiji smiles is as if the Japanese boy´s glance contains all the colors of the rainbow in them:

There´s the green reflection of his own eyes on Eiji´s eyes. That green is bright for Ash is happy, that green is strong and shinning like a new born hope.  

There´s a hint of red too and Ash smiles when he thinks it comes from his desire of kissing Eiji´s red lips right away.  

There´s yellow and orange coming from the sunlight which is dropping gold over Eiji´s face.

There´s blue surrounding them, the blue of an open sky that’s like a shelter for both of them and that´s creating a whole new world made just for them.

And finally, there´s violet, the color of loyalty, the color of dreams and fantasies. Maybe it would be a color of a new brand start for Ash and Eiji because that afternoon feels exactly like that, like the new beginning nobody will dare to take away from two boys who have suffered more than they should have done.

“What are you thinking about?” says Eiji softly and Ash realizes there are colors even in Eiji´s words.

“That I want to kiss you right now”, answers Ash straightforwardly and the soft pink that colors Eiji´s cheeks is definitely Ash´s new favorite color now.

“There are some things that are better done than said, Ash” Eiji declares and Ash laughs because he loves when Eiji says such flirty things.

“Your statement is absolutely brilliant and wise, big brother” says Ash and he kisses Eiji softly and the colors are there again: they sing through his veins, they burst on Eiji´s warm lips, they color them like a rainbow whose origin is in his intertwined fingers and in the warmth that radiates from their close bodies.

Eiji´s all the colors in the universe for Ash and the green-eyed boy wishes for having a colorful life with Eiji by his side forever now that darkness seems to be so far away from him…

 


	36. You must have had a boken heart to love me the way you do...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their love is all they have and in that very moment, that love is all they will ever need…

**You must have had a broken heart to love me the way you do…**

Eiji knows there are some pains that will never disappear, some wounds that are going to ache forever even when you have found all the happiness this world can give you.

Eiji knows that love can´t fix everything, that sometimes love is not enough to heal a soul that has been hurt again and again and all over again.

Eiji is sure that Ash feels a pain like that, an endless pain that the green eyed boy tries to hide every day, a pain that Eiji can see through Ash´s smile. Yes, Eiji certainly knows that deep in his soul Ash is broken and that part of his soul will have scars forever.

Nevertheless, Eiji also thinks that a broken heart is able to love too, a broken heart can love fearlessly and it doesn´t make that love any less perfect.

That´s what Eiji feels whenever Ash is in his arms, the same place where Ash is in that very moment. Aslan Jade Callenreese is silent in his arms, his arms are wrapped around the Japanese boy, and Eiji knows that´s because the pain is there again. In moments like that one, Eiji knows that words aren´t necessary, Eiji knows that Ash only needs to know that he´s there by his side. When the pain is there, Ash needs to feel protected and Eiji holds him tight.

Sometimes the tears appear as well and Eiji caresses Ash´s back slowly, Eiji doesn’t ask Ash to stop crying because Eiji knows that some tears are really necessary. Some people say that tears are like new water, that clear water that eases the soul and give you strength to continue. Ash is not weak, of course, but he´s human and all humans need to be broken so you can rebuild yourself again.

Eiji thinks that Ash is like broken glass: something that has been shattered in a million pieces and every single piece hurt more than a whole. But broken glass is still capable of glowing when the sun reflects on it and Ash´s like that. After the pain comes Ash is calm again and he smiles as if his lips were made only for that. Eiji loves that smile. Eiji loves Ash because he´s strong enough to love him in return even when his heart has been shattered before.

“I love you, Eiji,” says Ash with his eyes closed and a peaceful smile in his lips.

“I love you, Ash,” answers Eiji and kisses Ash´s forehead.

And they repeat the words as if it was a magic spell or a lullaby which will protect them from the bad memories. No, of course love can´t fix everything but they love each other and sometimes what they feel is more than just love. Their love is the place where they are stronger. Their love is a miracle in the middle of a world that has been a tragedy for both of them. Their love is all they have and in that very moment, that love is all they will ever need…

 


	37. Every little dream comes true with every little thing  you do...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love every little thing you do,” assures Ash and Eiji smiles brightly. “But if you really need a reason why I love you, I can think of thousands of them, do you want me to make a list?”

**Every little dream comes true with every little thing you do…**

“Why do you love me?” asks Eiji as the spring wind is blowing around him.

He and Ash are sitting in the middle of a garden, both of them are resting on soft green grass. It´s a marvelous day to be outside and they are enjoying the warmth of the first days without winter. The question escapes from Eiji´s mouth and Ash smiles because he can infer that Eiji wasn´t thinking on making his question out loud. He knows that´s kind of a rhetoric question but for Eiji it could be something else.

“Should it be a reason why?”  Answers Ash and he notices that Eiji´s smile has gone.

Ash feels anxious when he notices it. Eiji looks so serious and a little bit sad and Ash realizes there must be a good reason for Eiji to ask his question. Maybe Eiji needs to listen to him explaining something that doesn´t have a logic explanation and if Eiji needs it, Ash is going to try to put into words something that words will never explain entirely.

“It´s that… well… I just need… I… I know I´m stupid, sorry.” Eiji stutters and Ash takes his hand in his. Ash let his green eyes meet with Eiji´s and the smile appears again in Eiji´s lips.

“You´re not stupid at all” says Ash slowly. “And even if you were, I would love you anyway.”

“Ash…”

“I love you because you are who you are, I don´t need any other reason.”

“But…”

“No, no _but_ is possible when it comes to you. When you are with me I feel your love and your kindness filling every single room in my heart. You love me completely, you make me feel complete as well. Nobody else will ever make me feel the way you do. You move me. You make me happy, you make me strong. You make all the dreams I didn´t know I have come true.”

“That sounds like poetry…”

“Well, you make a poet out of me, Eiji Okumura. Are you happy?”

“Yes, Ash. I´m so happy with you…”

“I love every little thing you do,” assures Ash and Eiji smiles brightly. “But if you really need a reason why I love you, I can think of thousands of them, do you want me to make a list?”

“I think you can make me know all of them with a thousand kisses instead…”

Ash laughs and he follows Eiji´s advice. He has said more words than he usually does and people say that actions always speak louder than words…


	38. Baby, it´s cold outside...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then forget about the door, please,” says Ash laughing happily. “We have ten minutes before someone remembers that there is a key under the welcome mat, so...”

**Baby, it´s cold outside…**

“Ash, I have to open the d...”

Eiji's voice gets lost in the middle of a warm, anxious kiss. That kind of kiss that Ash usually gives him when he tries to convince him of something. Eiji is sure that Ash knows that his lips are the greatest of his weaknesses so Eiji finds it difficult to cope with that kind of weapon.

“Don´t open, let everyone think that the party has been called off,” says Ash and catches Eiji in his arms again.

Both of them are in the middle of their penthouse room and the doorbell announcing the arrival of a new visitor continues sounding insistently while Eiji tries to regain sanity, something that is not easy to do when Ash´s hands caress his back.

Eiji thinks that the miracle of Ash's closeness is like being trapped in a spell that is made stronger by the magic of the Christmas environment that surrounds them: the huge tree full of colorful lights and decorations that Eiji put with the help of Kong and Bones, the scent of a huge turkey that Jessica and Max chose for everyone to have for dinner, and the cold weather outside that makes Eiji want to have the heat of Ash in his arms forever.

“Ash, everyone was excited about the Christmas party, we cannot cancel it ...” says Eiji trying to be strong.

“Tell them we will have another next year, there will always be another Christmas ...” Ash whispers on his lips and Eiji gets a chill that makes him feel the urge to cancel the party after all.

“But this one is important...”

“Of course it is, it's my first Christmas with you, the first of many ...”

“Ash ...” exclaims Eiji before kissing the other boy feeling completely moved by what he has said before.

“You see it? You also want to spend tonight alone with me…”

“But...”

“If you open the door, the cold will come from outside, you do not want me to be cold, do you, Eiji?”

Eiji smiles when looking at Ash´s face who at that moment is smiling in that way in which the fallen angels do it when they know they have gotten away with what they wanted. Eiji would do anything when Ash looks at him that way. Eiji could give him the whole world if Ash promised he would stay by his side forever. It is also true, Eiji doesn´t want Ash to feel cold anymore in his life and Eiji wants to be an eternal spring in Ash's life.

“No, I do not want you to be cold” says Eiji and Ash puts his arms around his neck.

“Then forget about the door, please,” says Ash laughing happily. “We have ten minutes before someone remembers that there is a key under the welcome mat, so...”

“Well, if it's just ten minutes...” says Eiji laughing too.

“They´ll be the best of your life, Eiji...”

Ash's lips crash again on the Japanese’s boy and the two of them are still kissing surrounded by colored lights until the sound of the doorbell, after several minutes, simply gets lost in the middle of that particular world in which Ash and Eiji don´t  know anything about the cold outside anymore...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, dear ones! I wish you the best on these Holydays. Have a great time, eat a lot and fill your heart with beautiful gifts. Thanks a lot for reading this story :3


	39. Hello, my love...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because that´s a good name for Eiji. Because Eiji and love will always be synonyms for him…

**Hello, my love.**

There´s a thing the reckless and fierce Aslan Jade Callenreese hasn´t done yet. It´s something silly, something stupid.

It has to do with Eiji, of course. It has to do with the fact that sometimes, Eiji´s name is not enough to let the other boy know how deep his feelings for him are.

Ash sighs and takes his hands to his face for he has never lost his mind thinking about little details like that one.

Yes, he wants a pet name for Eiji. Yes, he knows he´d better die before acknowledge that out loud. Yes, he´s becoming a hopelessly cheesy man but he wouldn´t care any less. Because Eiji makes him feel a lot of beautiful things and Ash knows that words are not the best way to express them completely but he´s looking for one word, just one is enough for now.

The green eyed boy sighs again and suddenly, Eiji appears in his sight and his heart starts pounding, dancing and singing all the love songs that people has created since the very beginning of the universe itself.

Eiji is there, Eiji is walking to him with the most brilliant smile on his lips and Ash can hardly believe that Eiji is looking for him, that Eiji will be by his side soon and that he will be forever by his side as he promised before.

“Hello, my love” says Ash without thinking.

That word slips easily out of his mouth and it has felt natural, perfect and sweet to say.

Eiji´s cheeks blush hard. He doesn´t say anything, he just stays there in front of Ash, black hair around his face and a million of stars in his eyes.

“Hi, A… my love” says the boy and Ash smiles widely before taking Eiji into his arms.

And both of them laugh, both of them hold each other in his arms as if it wasn´t anything more important to do. Ash repeats the words again and again. Because that´s a good name for Eiji. Because Eiji and love will always be synonyms for him…


	40. Every February you´ll be my Valentine...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wanted to give you a present good enough for you, Eiji. I wish I could give you the universe”, says Ash with an adorable pout as Eiji approaches to him.
> 
> “I have it already, I have the universe in my hands right now”, says Eiji and his fingers are now cleaning Ash´s face softly.

**Every February you´ll be my Valentine…**

It is a mess, a total mess and Ash would have known it would end up that way.

The kitchen´s floor is almost covered with black and white strains of chocolate, and the pans over the stove are an awful vision of an epically failed effort. Ash knows his high IQ has no use when it comes to cooking and he hates it, he hates it with all his heart.

A sad sigh escapes from his mouth and he starts having a panic attack when his green eyes watch the clock on the wall. Eiji would be there in no time and Ash freezes when the fact that he won´t have time to order everything hits him. He can´t prevent Eiji to see that chaos. He won´t be able to give Eiji that kind of romantic present he wanted to him as it is his first Valentine´s day together.

Of course, at the beginning he felt stupid for being such a cheesy guy but when Eiji started talking about  how the Japanese used to give chocolates to their significant other on Saint Valentine´s day, Ash thought Eiji would be delighted if he did something like that. So he decided to give it a try, how difficult it would be to prepare some home-made chocolate?

Apparently, it was way more difficult than he has ever thought and he was embarrassed. He would have followed Sing´s advice and just buy a box of chocolates but it is too late now to regret about it. His apartment´s door is opening and Ash feels a pinch in his heart when he realizes he doesn´t have a proper present for Eiji who´s looking at him with a tender smile on his lips.

“I wanted to give you a present good enough for you, Eiji. I wish I could give you the universe”, says Ash with an adorable pout as Eiji approaches to him.

“I have it already, I have the universe in my hands right now”, says Eiji and his fingers are now cleaning Ash´s face softly.

Ash feels his body tremble under Eiji´s touch and a strong wave of heat wraps around his chest when Eiji licks the chocolate on his fingers while looking at him as if he was the most adorable creature that´s ever existed on Earth. That´s the thing with Eiji´s eyes: they never fail to make him feel lovable and worth it.

That´s when Ash feels good again and smiling mischievously, the green eyed boy pours chocolate over his lips and Eiji laughs with his cheeks reddened because he knows the chocolate that’s on Ash´s lips will be the best he has ever tasted.

“Do you want a little more?” asks Ash and his arms are wrapped around Eiji´s neck.

“I want it all”, answers Eiji and he lets his lips collapse on Ash´s mouth.

And their kiss is sweeter than sweet. And their kiss is all they want to have forever for many Februaries yet to come….

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine´s day everyone! I wish you all the love in the world :)


	41. Maybe we found love right where we are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where Eiji is. Eiji is home. Eiji’s love. And Ash is happy to know they both have found love right where they are…

Ash has wondered many times about the origin of love. Sometimes he finds himself trying to come up with a logic explanation for it, a explanation so clear and intelligent he would receive a prize for his discovery. Ash bets love has been the greatest mystery never solved by human beings and maybe that mistery humans cannot put into words is what makes it so magic, so dangerous and necessary like the air which passes through his very own lungs.

But in that moment, Ash thinks he has found the mistery of love sitting on a couch right there in front of him. Eiji is laughing as he tries to feed him with a bunch of chips. Ash is playing happily, the chips are taking the form of a duck beak and he knows he’s being childish but he can’t care any less. Because Eiji’s laughing. Because Eiji’s there and he’s not going to go anywhere.

Ash smiles while Eiji puts a marshmallow on his mouth and he takes it licking the other’s boy finger. Eiji blushes hard at the contact and Ash smiles again because he’s happy, in that very moment he’s sure that no other man has been so happy and that no other man will ever be.

Because he loves, because he is loved. And of course, love will never have a certain explanation but who cares? Ash has found love, love has found him as well. Love is what he has with Eiji. Love is what’s surrounding them, it’s what’s hidden on the pages of the one hundred books that are covering the walls. Love is that little apartment, the one he and Eiji chose to live together; love is what makes a house feel like a home. Love is home. Home is where Eiji is. Eiji is home. Eiji’s love. And Ash is happy to know they both have found love right where they are…


	42. I want to hold your hand...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I hold your hand forever?” asks Eiji with an adorable sleepy voice which makes Ash´s heart flutter.   
> “Of course you can” answers Ash and his green eyes get lost in Eiji´s beauty and the warmth of his hand healing every single one of his scars. Eiji´s hand is keeping all his fears apart.

**I want to hold your hand…**

There are some forces Ash has never defied. Even when everybody believes him to be unbeatable and almighty, he knows there are certain limitations a boy like him would never surpass. Of course he knows about his strength, he knows that he has had to live horrible things in order to be the man he is today.

He has felt helpless sometimes, and also afraid even when he has learnt to hide it. But none of these moments of fear was similar to the frightening emotion which is pounding inside his heart and he can barely believe it is all about Eiji.

He´s afraid of Eiji, he´s afraid of being close to him because he want to touch him.

Ash sighs and closes his eyes because he feels like a fool for feeling that way. Eiji has fallen asleep a while ago and Ash is looking at his peaceful face in wonder. The distance which is separating both of his hands is one of those forces Ash doesn´t feel capable to break even when the only thing he really wants is to intertwine his own fingers with Eiji´s. That´s it, he doesn´t want more. The one desire of his heart is to touch that skin and let his soul rest because maybe Eiji could hold his heart and not only his hand.

He knows he has to be brave, it only could take some seconds to fulfill his wish. It´ll be only two seconds of bravery and his heart will be whole again.

“You´ve done more difficult things than this, Aslan, for God´s sake!” he says to himself mentally. “You know it is OK, Eiji has said it is OK if you need to hold him, don´t be such an idiot, this is Ok, this is OK…”

Nevertheless, he finds himself unable to move his hand and in the very second he´s about to get up from the green grass where he and Eiji have been resting for a moment, it´s Eiji´s hand which hold his and the world around him stops. Ash smiles and when he looks at Eiji´s face, the Japanese boy is smiling and there´s no fear in his doe eyes. Ash realizes that as it has been happening recently, Eiji helps him out with all these little things he´s not able to fight. Eiji has broken all his walls and now, Eiji has defeated the distance between them.

“Can I hold your hand forever?” asks Eiji with an adorable sleepy voice which makes Ash´s heart flutter.

“Of course you can” answers Ash and his green eyes get lost in Eiji´s beauty and the warmth of his hand healing every single one of his scars. Eiji´s hand is keeping all his fears apart.

 

 


	43. When you look me in the eyes, you´ll see the most beautiful thing that´s in me: a reflection of you...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My eyes”, says Eiji with a bright smile on his lips.  
> “Your eyes, of course…” agrees Ash as he nods and gets lost in Eiji´s doe eyes. “They are certainly pretty.”  
> “But that´s not the reason I like them, look at them closely, find out what´s on them…”

**When you look me in the eyes, you´ll see the most beautiful thing that´s in me: a reflection of you...**

 

“Eiji, what do you like the most about  you?” asks Ash.

Both boys are looking out the window while the rain hits heavily on the glass. Eiji and Ash are sitting on the sofa, Ash is cuddling Eiji´s body and a blanket is keeping them warm in the middle of such a gray and melancholic day.

“I think you´d answer better to that question, wouldn´t you?” says Eiji cluelessly. “Why don´t you answer to that question first? I have never thought about it”.

“Oh, come on, just tell me one thing” asks Ash while a tender smile that Eiji cannot resists appears on his lips. “I promise that after you tell me your answer, I´ll tell you mine.”

Eiji sighs for Ash smiles is too gorgeous to deny him something. There isn´t actually a moment in which Eiji can deny him any of the things Ash asks for. Ash´s voice is like a sweet order that takes over his own will. If Ash asked him to get a star from the sky for him, Eiji would surely get it without hesitating a little bit.

However, thinking about only one thing he likes about himself is very difficult, he has never given a thought about the things he likes the most about himself because he´s not a very self-conscious  person anyway. Some people has told him that he´s not a stunning man, he has always perceived himself as a very common boy. Of course, Ash is always telling him he´s beautiful but Eiji thinks his beloved sees him with eyes of love.

Eiji remains quiet for a moment, his eyes look directly at Ash´s eyes and there´s when the sudden revelation comes through him.

“My eyes”, says Eiji with a bright smile on his lips.

“Your eyes, of course…” agrees Ash as he nods and gets lost in Eiji´s doe eyes. “They are certainly pretty.”

“But that´s not the reason I like them, look at them closely, find out what´s  on them…”

Ash follows Eiji´s directions with a confused look in his face. His green eyes are trying to reveal the mistery that´s hidden on Eiji´s dark pupils and when he finally gets it, a triumphant smile appears on his mouth. Ash takes Eiji´s cheeks in his hands because he feels speechless by Eiji´s response.

“My reflection, that´s why you like your eyes the most” he says. “You´re cheating”

“I´m not, I´m telling you the truth.”

Ash laughs and then he wraps Eiji in his arms as he lets himself get lost again in Eiji´s stare. Because he also likes what he sees reflected on Eiji´s eyes. Eiji looks at him as if he was the most beautiful creature ever created in the whole universe and for Ash, even when he knows he´s just a normal boy who is deeply loved, he can believe he´s that stunning as long as Eiji keeps him in his eyes…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I want to invite you to read my new story "Before our spring" that´s already posted in here. If you like this sweet drabbles, maybe you would give the other story a try! Anyway, also thank you for reading these little pieces of sugar :3


	44. He falls asleep...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sleep, I´ll protect your dream, this one that you are dreaming of today and the one we will both live everyday..."

  **He falls asleep...**

Eiji has fallen asleep; although they are on vacation, the nights they have spent together are always hectic and passionate. Eiji never realized at what very moment he surrendered to the exhaustion. He only began to feel all the fatigue of the world in his bones, closed his eyes and let the stupor drag him irremediably into the dream´s world.

A few steps away from him, a young man with blond hair is staring at him. His emerald eyes are shining brightly and there is a smile on his lips. His smile is a mix of tenderness and happiness in equal parts because Eiji Okumura doesn´t know how beautiful he looks when he is asleep. Eiji is there in front of him  with his big dark eyes sheltered from the bright light of the evening sun and his lips half-closed, inviting him to get lost in them.

That´s the minute Ash can´t resist it anymore so he approaches slowly to Eiji and struggles between the urge to kiss him or the wish of watching him forever in that way: vulnerable, and at the same time so strong. Eiji´s so far away from him and at the same time Ash feels that´s the very place where Eiji belongs: next to him.

The seconds pass slowly, inevitably. Ash notices how his body starts to get closer to Eiji because his figure reclining on the sand suddenly seems to invite him to do so many things, yet he only sits less than a yard away from where Eiji is.  Ash continues watching Eiji´s chest rise and fall. He´s alive even in his dreams, he´s so beautiful and so full of life.

However, in that moment, a sweet contemplation is all that matters in the universe for Ash as Eiji is there, he is there and they are together. That place seems to be an oasis amidst the chaos of the world surrounding them.

Without thinking twice, Ash takes his phone out of his pocket and focuses the sleeping boy on it. Ash wants to keep the beauty of that image in a photograph the same way Eiji always does with his professional camera. Ash smiles at the result of his photo, it is good even when it has been taken by an amateur, and then, very slowly, he takes Eiji in his arms trying not to wake him up. Ash moves him a little bit more, so that Eiji´s head is resting on his chest and Eiji remains asleep without realizing anything.

The sun has begun to hide on the horizon and the sea, once bright blue, has started to get darker. Eiji is still asleep and Ash´s stroking his dark hair while humming a cheerful song that seems to fly with the afternoon wind.

“You sing very well,” says a sleepy voice when the song ends which makes Ash laugh nervously.

“Only you can say that,” answers the young man.

“And you can only sing to me.” Eiji answers.

And as if nothing had happened, Eiji closes his eyes, leaving Ash's arms to protect him as he falls sleep again. Eiji´s not dreaming, it has been a long time since he needed to do it because by some absurd miracle now reality has surpassed the most beautiful dream he could have ever had.

Ash sighs and let the young man in his arms continue resting. If he is sincere, last night he and Eiji didn´t do much sleeping. The memories make him laugh as his eyes got caught first in the sunset and then in Eiji's quiet face. Ash strokes his hair again and kisses his lips gently before putting his chin on the crown of the sleeping boy and whispers to the wind:

"Sleep, I´ll protect your dream, this one that you are dreaming of today and the one we will both live everyday..."

 


	45. You don´t have to say "I love you" to say I love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take an umbrella with you and have a good brekfast. I'll see you at lunchtime. Don´t stop smiling all day, please.

**You don´t have to say "I love you" to say I love you.**

 From one of the notes Ash Lynx usually writes for Eiji Okumura before leaving their home:

_I´ve seen you smile while you were sleeping. It's amazing how all the happiness of a day can fit so well in your lips just for some seconds. Seconds, which are measured in memories and not in time. Seconds that in the real world are nothing. Fortunate seconds that meet your smile and decide, for a moment, to insinuate eternity and move from being nothing to become poetry. It's going to rain today, Eiji. Take an umbrella with you and have a good brekfast. I'll see you at lunchtime. Don´t stop smiling all day, please._

_Ash._


	46. Words don´t come easy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please come back to me. Please be here so I can hold you instead of drawing your face with words.

**Words don´t come easy.**

 

_A never sent letter Eiji Okumura wrote for a distant lover:_

 

_With words I draw you, with words I build a bridge between your loneliness and mine and in a world apart, the world that you walk through, oblivious to my thoughts of you, we are part of the same story, the dream of the other, the place where your eyes will always look._

_And perhaps this discourse said to the distance, these words that are also a trace of you, of that which is written but not said, of what your ears will ignore and the stars will always know, is only a simple way to conjugate the verb love in a kind of sincere statement that is anchored in what I can certainly give you: I write to you and maybe, before seeing your face, I had already begun to write to you._

_Please come back to me. Please be here so I can hold you instead of drawing your face with words._

 

_Come back, Ash, stay here with me always._

 


End file.
